Monkey Money and Rappin Rodent

Dear Diary,

Whoa! I have been studying, working, and making monkeys! John had to go on Cobra and some friends wanted some monkeys after Gooch did the photo shoot so I have been making monkeys. I decided that instead of giving the monkeys away I would sell them then I could donate the money to the Cystic Fibrosis foundation. Then I thought Hey! I've got my little 25 year old cyst(That used to drive mama and me crazy when the nurses at the Birmingham Children's Hospital would call him "The Little Cyst" but now it is kind of funny!) right here that could use the money. Hell I could even use the money for my college tuition but, It will be fun to see if I can make his Cobra payment with Monkey Money! No more giving away monkeys. Over! Done! I'm selling those suckers. So far - $65.00 and it is only the 18th. I'm optimistic but don't think it will get paid by monkey money this month. Of course he balked when I told him my plan.

I found a stuffed Rat called the Rappin Rat that Raps that "It's your Birthday". Mini Me used to sing it in that commercial. You might not know this but that is my mamas special talent. She does a Mini Me routine with the hand motions and everything. It is really something to see. She was a hit at the last family talent show. I'm afraid that sista Janice will win hands down if she does her imitation of Little Edie performing the flag dance. Her costume and moves are so like Little Edie's that it will take your breath away. But back to my story..... I thought this rappin Rat would make a great Christmas present for my Mama. I saw him at CVS drugstore, my creative juices started churning and the idea of a rappin sock monkey came to mind. The perfect Christmas gift for my Mom. I bought it , brought it home and told Ian and his friend my idea. They loved it. That night after a few cocktails I carefully cut off his costume and beheaded him. Then I proceeded to make a sock monkey to fit over the shell. I got the arms on and was figuring out how to add the head/body when it started going off and repeating the rap over and over and over. I had accidentally cut through some wires so only one arm was moving to the rhythm and where the head had been a white plastic nub was rotating. Every time I tried to maneuver the sock, the damn thing would start playing again. My husband was starting to complain. Then it came to me that I could just remove the batteries but when I checked the battery holder the cover was screwed in. But, not with a hex head or slot screw, a new kind of screw. I guess I'll need a tool to get it open.

I need to go to Lowe's tomorrow anyway. The Poinsettias are 1/2 price.

Jenny C and Sixth Grade Sock Monkeys

Dear Diary,

No this is not a picture of a successful plus size model. This is actually a picture of me with one of the students I had the pleasure of working with before Christmas. She wanted a monkey so of course I needed to make her one. But that's not the reason for this picture. Can you believe how hefty I am! I would just say I'm big boned but that won't fly. There is too much meat on those bones! I forgot to do my hide the double chin pose! The other amazing thing about this picture is that this young lady snarled at me the first week or so I worked with her and she would dodge me if I tried to hug her and look at her now. I swear I could run away and join the circus and be a lion tamer.

The real reason for posting this picture is because I'm coming clean - I met up with my old friend Jenny three weeks ago and decided to call a truce. Her plan has changed a bit but I think for the better. Time will tell. The food is good but it is only enough for a skinny girl! The meal I had tonight had only four tiny pieces of chicken in it. Please tell me that is not a true portion. Why, I used to eat half a fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy.

I wasn't going to blog about it but it is bothering me that every time I go in they want to sell me something extra! Today was the ultimate though! She tried to sell me some package of goodies that included these shiny, pretty, inspirational rocks that I could put in my pocket and rub when I needed a little extra focus to stay on track to lose weight. I told her that I could remind myself for free by just reaching around and slapping my fat ass.





Dear Diary,

I know I've been chatting alot lately about monkeys but there is just so much to say about them! This year all four classes of sixth graders made sock monkeys. This is one of the students with his. This young man is the best! You can tell by his monkey that he has a great personality. He is quite the talker. He talks fast too. I can't keep up with him! I had to do "emergency surgery" on his monkey. His tail fell off and his leg and arm were split. He was losing stuffing fast! But as you can see in the picture, I'm proud to say he pulled through!

More Monkeys

Dear Diary,

These are a few of the latest monkeys. I put them in the chair and they kind of settled in like that. I like the way the green one's expression turned out. I sold one I had made from the red heel socks at my antique mall spot for $18.50 but after commission and a 10% coupon was taken off it came to about $14.00. I think I'd rather give them to friends if that is all I'm gonna get. I took these four in and three others last Thursday. I call them not yo grandma's sock monkeys. We will see how they do.