Sunday, May 9, 2010

Get him to show you his teeth!

Dear Diary,

I got to see one of my good friends last week when I was in Mississippi. In fact she is such a good friend that it is recorded in a legal document in the Lowndes County Court House that I am her self- acclaimed best friend. She told me about her new favorite drink - Sweet Tea flavored vodka. She said to add water and lemonade to it and a spig of mint. How refreshing it sounded.

Tonight, after taking a hiatus from alcohol for six months or so I decided to try one of these. I went to Fry's and checked out the Vodka aisle. There were three different Sweet Tea Vodkas but none of them were SKYY (My vodka of choice). I buzzed her to find out which one she used but she couldn't recall, but then passed on some great advise. She said, "Buy the most expensive one because you don't want to have one of those Gawd Awful headaches in the morning!" No kidding!

I got home and fixed my drink and was sipping it and thinking of her when a field trip she and I took our children on when she visited us one summer came to mind( Please note that we are studying similes and descriptive language in school).

The long bumpy road seemed to go on forever. Dust rolled like fog over the windshield. Whose idea was it to visit a gold mine?

From the backseat came the wail of a hyena in heat. I reached back to swat whichever child I could reach and still keep the wheels between the ditches. My hand collided with something wet and sticky. It's a good thing we were in Frank's new truck! I don't want that stuff on my car seats! Where was the turn. We had to be close.

Up ahead in the distance was a sign too difficult to read what with the shimmering heat waves and the mirages. We slowed to a halt like a dehydrated snake. Gold Mine Next Left.

A pack of wild animals that curiously resembled Kathy and me stampeded from the vehicle. They ran hither and yon from the parking lot to what looked like a grazing field/out door theater.

Kathy and I were the adults here and were in total control. We looked around, our eyes surveying the area. Up ahead we spied what looked like the entrance to the gold mine. There were two men besides us on the premises. One was dressed like what anyone would think a gold miner slash prospector slash dry goods employee (aka Mr. Drucker) would wear. The other looked and dressed like he was taking a mental health day off from Honeywell or General Dynamics.

The kids stopped rolling in the grass long enough to notice the goldmine/gift shop entrance. They rushed to it like deranged leprechauns and screeched to a halt in front of the sign "Miners under 12 must be accompanied by an adult". We were quickly summoned. The gold miner slash prospector slash dry goods store slash gift shop employee sauntered into the store and gave Kathy and me a smile. If we needed a bottle opener we had just found one. I say this not because I would make fun of someone with buck teeth ( I had buck teeth for a good part of my development years) but because it is relevant to the story.

The set up and design of the gold mine were perfect. The owner must have gotten the idea from Disneyland. All guest had to enter and exit the gold mine from the gift shop. The tunnel of the goldmine made a half turn and after an extremely short wind you were at a dead end. There blocking progress was a miniature rail road car full of ore. A sign suggested that we search through the pile of rubble for gold.

Our new friend, the dry goods store slash gold prospector helped our children find a nugget with a speck of gold. They left quickly, following the light at the end of the mega short tunnel to the souvenir shop. I picked through the rocks and immediately found my fortune in gold but Kathy was having a more difficult time. Our new friend, let's call him Mr. Drucker, was very attentive toward Kathy. She was getting all ruffled and pissy because every rock she picked up was a rock. No gold. Mr. Drucker patiently shifted through the ore and found her a golden nugget. She didn't like that one so they pawed through them till she found one that suited her.

After spending way too long in the gift shop with the children, we made it back out into the fresh air. The corporate looking guy (Dilbert) joined Mr. Drucker in chatting us up. Dilbert owned the gold mine and the property for as far as we could see. He had really big plans for developing his spread, like adding an out door theater, or amphitheater as they are sometimes called.

Kathy and I were trying to round up the wild mustangs and corral them into the truck when Dilbert told us about one last feature we shouldn't pass up. He had just acquired a mule. Dilbert said that Mr. Drucker would take us down there to see it and while we were there we should get him to show us his teeth. Kathy and I looked at each other with dropped jaws. Sure the guy had bad teeth but why call attention to them like that. We had both been trying not to focus directly on his teeth during the whole gold mine experience. Mr. Drucker grabbed some carrots seemingly unphased by Dilbert's rudeness. Our large party followed Drucker to the pasture. There was the mule. When he saw the carrots that Mr. Drucker had he tilted his head in the air and ruffled up his lips proudly showing us his teeth. My faith in mankind had once again been restored. Dilbert just wanted us to see his mules new trick.


Michele said...

This story was delightfully funny, and well worth the wait! Wonderful descriptive language and similes too. :)

can't wait for more!

Kathy said...

Being Kathy from Mississippi, I must share some of my memories. To say he had buck teeth is slightly embellished. The few yellow rotten teeth remaining in his mouth were sticking out in all directions. He could have never eaten even one carrot stick. Lisa forgot to tell about my attempting to steal a rock. One was only supposed to take one rock with a gold flick and I took two rocks. I was collecting rocks so I thought that would be OK but "Buck" said I could only have one rock. The "Gift Shop" was an overstatement. To keep Lisa's children (my son was a perfect angel) from whining all the way to the gold mine, Lisa promised gifts from the gift shop and there were no gifts or souvenirs of any type. The only available "gifts" were just old dusty candy bars and expensive rocks for sale. When Lisa and I meet in Sedona in June, I am sure that my self acclaimed best friend and I will have more delightful stories.e

bnkp said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
bnkp said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.