House of Hullabaloo

Her Hair Story, a recollection

2011-05-22T20:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

My baby sistah came to visit over the week end. It was a quick trip for her, Thursday through Saturday . We didn't have much time to visit but I will take what I can get. Sistah Sarah Ann took her son to ASU orientation. She was impressed with all she saw and did that day and was recounting it for us Friday night at the kitchen table. It seems that one of the speakers spoke to them about a project he had going concerning "hair" He claims that everyone has a hair story. I begged to differ. I told Sarah Ann that I did not have a hair story, but then I recalled the 1970's.

I got my hair "done" at the Nu Look Beauty Parlor on Hwy 69. Usually just a trim. I had quite an active imagination and adventurous spirit but lost all when it came to my hair. I have often said that instead of my business degree from the University, I would be better off if I had gone to beauty school and interned with a carpenter but I digress... My best friend and I both had long straight hair and we both really wanted our hair to look like Farah Fawcett's. We got the cut but never could get it to "do" right. It just lay there limp. Worst hair cut I ever got if you don't count that horror of a cut I got in the eighth grade that was supposed to look darling on me.

I mentioned the Farah Fawcett cut to Sarah Ann. Then now all the wiser mentioned as a side note that it would probably have looked better if I had used the right "product". That is when sistah unloaded the ultimate family hair story. It was one that I had totally forgotten about.

"The right product! Remember when Momma brought the case of Afro Sheen Shampoo home bragging about what a great deal she got on it. That Afro Sheen lasted a whole year!"

In her defense, I said maybe she didn't know what it was. Sarah Ann said of course she knew what it was. Soul Train was one of her favorite shows. That is true, She did watch a lot of Soul Train.

Today I looked through some 70's era pictures and I noticed in some, my hair had a lot of body and bounce. In others it lay pretty flat. I think I'll see if Afro Sheen is still on the market and see what it does for this gray mess of hair I have now.

I pity the fool that rings my doorbell after 8 p.m.

2011-05-07T07:56:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Besides making monkeys, I have been working all spring on one art piece. It is a "No Soliciting" sign to hang by my front door. It's not that I don't want solicitors. I love it when the Girl Scouts come by and sell their cookies and we do support the neighborhood schools but sometimes "strangers" come by and ring our bell. It is usually around 8:00 o'clock at night and we are right in the middle of a movie or Law and Order reruns. When that doorbell rings it disrupts our evening routine. First, we look at each other with the "Are you expecting company?" gaze. Second, whom ever has the remote pauses the show. We pause too, and kind of wait out each other to see who will get up and answer the door. Sometimes I do but more often Frank does because he is the quickest at getting rid of solicitors. We always have the same discussion after the interruption. "Who was it?, What were they selling?, What in the hell are those mother fuckers doing out at this time of night in our neighborhood?" It takes us a while to settle down and get back to our previous zen.

I have an uncontrollable curiosity when it comes to the doorbell. I can't ignore it. I'm not sure who I am expecting, but am usually disappointed.

Since the weather has been so nice, I have already had two surprise afternoon visitors. One, a young man helping the past, present, and future drug addicts of America and the other a beggar for the homeless shelter. I only had $2.00 in my purse for the drug addicts but scrounged up $10.00 for the homeless after my dog jumped on him and nearly knocked him down. I was God blessed by both but not thanked.

During the summer we often get those solicitors that have the memorized canned speech and the "notebook". I would rather have a visit from the Jehovah's Witnesses than be visited by one of "them" because if I answer the door, they are guaranteed to get a donation and their water bottle refilled or a soft drink.

A few visits from these notebook holders come to mind:

A black man that looked to be older than me stopped by one hot summer day with his notebook. He gave me his little speech then we looked through his notebook together. I listened and nodded in all the right places. He had the special permits and articles about I don't remember what, a few pictures of himself with his sponsors, and other things in his notebook. When I offered him a seat on the porch and an icy cold 7 up he was delighted. While he sipped his drink he told me about his life. He went on about his past and how he had just messed up his life with drugs and alcohol. He had a promising future playing baseball but he foiled that future with sin. His relationship with his wife and four children went sour. I forget the details but somehow he pulled himself out of that hole he dug for himself and turned his life around. He would be attending Grand Canyon University this fall and trying out for the baseball team! I was so inspired by his story that I rushed in the house to get my wallet. I handed over $20.00 and watched him carefully write out a receipt. All the while I told him about my dream of becoming an elementary teacher. I poured my heart out to him, telling him that I had always wanted to be a teacher but that my Mother said no, she was paying for my education and I needed to major in business because teachers didn't make any money so I did but now I was following my dream! I was going to online college! I had a captive audience too, he hung on to my every word until he finished filling out that receipt. He thanked me again then he was gone.

We had a visit from a weathered white guy a few weeks ago. He too had a notebook. It was about 115 degrees out side so I thought he deserved the courtesy of an interested listener. He immediately started in on his prepared speech. He speed through it gracefully as he flipped the pages of the notebook. His tone was a little sing song as he showed me the legalities of his personal charity, a homeless shelter for veterans. I couldn't send him away empty handed so I invited him in for a cold glass of water while I wrote the check. The water and the air conditioning caused him to get right chatty. He had been homeless himself and used the services of this shelter. In his previous life he was a van driver for Mayflower Moving. A back injury landed him in the hospital for surgery and a lengthy stay. When he was finally released, his home had been foreclosed and his assets which included a houseful of antiques was auctioned to pay his debts! This shelter helped him get his life together. He even served on the board of directors. Recently he bought a travel trailer with cash money. He would never be homeless again. His plan is to buy some land in Arkansas and live on it in his travel trailer. After hearing his personal testimony I regretted just writing the check for $10.00.

I know these were legitimate charities because I got a receipt and saw the proper paper work in their notebooks, but one guy came by the house last summer with the most original gimmick! It was so clever that I didn't hesitate to give him some of my hard earned money. This guy had a notebook too. He started out his speech by telling me that he was one talented fellow. He could rap and was a comedian too. He opened his notebook and showed me testimonials written by friends who were in agreement about his talent and charisma. He also had pictures of his little bastard daughter and of his mother too. I was surely interested in his pitch because I had no idea what he was selling. Finally he got to the meat of the matter. He was selling tickets to a show in which he would be the star! He wasn't sure when this show would occur but he guaranteed it would happen. For $20.00, my husband and I could attend. Also included in that price was an autographed 81/2 x 11 xerox copy of his picture. After receiving the $20.00 Our names would be added to a list. We would be mailed personal invitations to the event when it occurred.

My neighbor put up some kind of opaque film on her door windows so that no one could see her when she is pretending not to be home. But at our house, solicitors can see me when I can see them. I don't think I'll hang that sign. I'll keep my options open.

She Spoke to Me in a Dream

2011-02-17T18:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I have always been skeptical of supernatural phenomena, ESP, and so forth but I loved hearing about it. That said, when my Aunt told my sista Janice and me about a bizarre dream that our cousin (I'll call her Kim) had dreamed my interest was peaked. This all happened a long, long time ago. Back when I wore size 9 jeans and drove a powder blue pinto.

We were sitting in my Aunt's kitchen in Tarrant City, Alabama (probably sipping sugary sweet tea with lemon and eating a ho-made desert so delicious that it would make Paula Deen tear up and cry). Aunt Mary mentioned that she had talked to her brother, our Uncle, and he had told her that Kim had been visited in a dream by our dead Grandmother. I imagine sista Janice and my ears perked and we quit chewing at that point. According to Kim, Grandmother told her that she needed to go to Micheal's and buy all these art supplies and start painting. Kim was astounded by this idea, never having picked up a paint brush, canvas or had any interest what so ever in art. Anyway, she jumped in her Jaguar and headed down to the closest art supply warehouse to buy every item on her list. After she got home she set up her easel and began to paint. According to our Aunt, Kim's creative juices started flowing and what with her newly found talent, brush strokes and paint blending, she created a masterpiece so fine that our Uncle had hung it in his Insurance office before it even dried.

All kinds of emotions were running through my mind. I found my voice and asked Aunt Mary what Kim had painted. My Aunt started describing a Caribbean type theme or maybe it was Gulf Shores - Palm trees, sand, piers, sail boats, and a clear blue ocean with waves. I spoke out defensively, it just didn't add up, that couldn't have been Grandmother that came to Kim. Why would Grandmother choose to visit Kim? I thought I was her favorite! And the style of painting was all wrong. Grandmother painted landscapes! Kim had to have made this all up! Sista Janice, unemployed at the time stated matter of factually that she was just glad that she didn't receive the visit because she couldn't afford all those art supplies.

While hanging out in the lounge the other day, I picked up an Oprah magazine. On the cover was an article entitled "Finding your Inner Calling". By the time I flipped to it, (I had become distracted by the pretty pictures in the magazine) my break was over. I was alright with not getting to the article though, I figured it was probably one of those quizzes like those I have taken before where you picked out your likes and dislikes, interests, hopes and dreams. My results would be a ballerina, author, artist, or movie star. They always are. I have no exceptional talent for any of these things but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to be one of them.

Years ago one of my friends called me long distance from Atlanta, Georgia, and told me about this wonderful perk her new employer was giving to a few select employees. She had been chosen and was being groomed for management. Besides advising her on professional dress and not using adjectives like "big ole" she would be given a test to identify her strengths. Her mentor would then define her strengths and put her on the fast track to success. I didn't hear from her for a while so I called to find out about her new career. She told me it didn't work out like she planned. Her test results showed she would make a wonderful mime or puppeteer. AT&T didn't have any of those positions available.

About 8 years ago, I was visited in a dream by my Grandmother. I didn't tell anyone about my dream for a few years. I wanted to but always hesitated because of the scorn I felt toward Kim after Aunt Mary told us her story. In my dream, I was sitting in my Grandmother's lap with my face buried in the bosom of her dress. She had her arms around me while she rocked, and comforted me while I cried. I was frustrated and distressed because I wanted to be an artist. She soothed me by saying Art doesn't have to look real. Your art is art.

I think of that dream often and about what my grandmother said about art. I like to think that she was actually reassuring me from beyond, validating my art. Who knows. It could also have been my subconscious. This is all too heavy for me right now. I think I'll go eat some sugar.

I'm no Queen of Sheba but my Resume Looks Good!

2010-06-11T14:45:00.000-07:00

White socks tie dyed and made into monkeys!

Dear Diary,

My momma told me one time that when people ask you how you are doing they really don't want to know how you are doing. I tend to agree with her. I usually say "FABULOUS!" when anyone asks.

Not that anyone is asking but......
Summer is here and my motivation and life is being sucked out of me. Dare I be dramatic? I'm listless and bored. I have no drive or ambition. But, enough about me.

"I'm a displaced southern "Timba Heiress"presently creating in the dry, arid, moistureless, outskirts of Phoenix, Arizona. I find inspiration in family, friends, quilts, antiques, fabric, children, my dog, and nature. I am a fiber, doll, and collage artist but must also have a paying job. 50% of all money earned from sell of art is squandered by my children, 25% goes to art supplies and the remaining 25% is deposited in a jar marked plastic surgery. This money will pay for a much needed face lift, boob lift, and tummy tuck."

I was sorting through some piles of stuff and found the above bio I had written - A while back I taught a sock monkey class and was asked for an artist resume. That was not what I turned in. I wrote one more polished and professional. Recently I have had to update my resume since I received my Arizona Teaching Certification for kindergarten through eighth grade. I am 53 years old so it could have been quite lengthy but I was told to only highlight the last ten years. I wrote a cover letter too. I used many colorful, energetic, high powered adjectives to describe myself. I found it exhausting later to read how phenomenal I am. Reading it made it hard for me to believe that there ever was a time when I had low self esteem.

The Scar Book

Speaking of self esteem, I drove to Birmingham with Daddy and Momma back in March. Momma had an appointment to visit the heart surgeon at St. Vincents hospital. Sista Lucy drove from Nashville and met us there. Before our appointment we had time for a leisurely lunch. We found an Arby's right away but that is not my idea of leisurely. Luckily a few minutes later we came across a Fish House. It was decorated so cute and had great atmosphere. Even the restrooms were quaint.

Momma ordered grilled fish, Daddy had gumbo, I ordered fried scallops and oysters and Lucy had fried oysters. I am telling you this because I bit into one of the scallops and out spurted fishy juice all down the front of my cute outfit. When I got in the elevator at the doctor's office next to the hospital a nurse joined me and made the comment that they must be having fish in the cafeteria today. She startled me when she said that. I immediately asked her , "Do I smell like fish?" She was taken a back by my question and replied, "No, I smell fish from the cafeteria." I meant to go online after I got home and find out if they were serving fish that day or if she smelled me. But I am getting off track.

Momma signed in for her appointment and right by the sign in sheet was a photo album. I picked it up and took a seat next to Daddy. I started flipping through it and much to my surprise it was a picture album of scars. I was startled and got the giggles because I thought I was going to be viewing company picnic or holiday party photos. The pictures were mesmerizing! I stopped randomly flipping and viewed the first photo in the book. I couldn't believe what I was seeing but I had to see them all! The more I saw the more I giggled. Hysterical, uncontrollable giggles. Tears were flowing from my eyes. People were starting to stare. Sista Lucy said, "Sista whatcha lookin at?" I said, "I'd tell you but you wouldn't believe me." She came over to sit by me and got her eyes full too. Then she started to giggle. We called over to Momma to come have a look. She said no. She did not want to see any scars. I said - It's not just scars! Each of the pictures were taken of men or women naked from the neck to the waist and these people were old. In fact I swear a few of those pictures resembled me but I don't have a scar. Some of the people in the photos were more modest than others and had used an arm to try to cover their bosoms. Others just let it all hang out. Talk about high self esteem!

Daddy took the book from us and flipped through it. Isn't this sweet! He had paused on a picture of a man and a woman with matching scars. They were sitting on a bench and holding hands in the photo. The woman had 82 written on her with marker and the man had 84. We suspected by the looks of things that this was their age. We were all giggling now and getting a little loud and rowdy. All but Momma. She refused to participate in our fun.

I don't often give my Momma advice but that day I thought it would be wise. I said Momma don't sign anything until you read it. You may be giving them permission to take your photo! Then I got to thinking. What would possess someone to pose for a picture like that. There had to have been something in it for them. I said - Momma, they may offer a discount on your surgery if you pose for a scar photo later. Are you tempted? Momma said she didn't need a discount, she'd pay full price for her surgery. I asked her if she would do it for 20% off? How about 30%? I doubted that the surgeon would go much higher than that.

There were three other ladies obviously together in the waiting room while all this was going on. One of them asked to see the book. I walked it over to her and she and her friends started pouring over it like grade schoolers with a National Geographic Jungle Native edition. We watched them closely to catch their reaction to the photos. They gasped, then giggled. The lady who was the patient called out for all to hear, "I'm paying full price too!"

Momma, Daddy, and Lucy went back to that doctors office in Birmingham after Momma's surgery. They said the book had been removed from the waiting room.

Exhibitionist

2010-05-17T18:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

My older sista and I were talking the other night and and she brought up the delicate subject of flashers. Not the ones on your car but the ones that used to display their naked bodies in public to unsuspecting females. Not as an expression of youth as the streakers did but to make a statement as in showing you my pecker really gets me off.

We shared a similar experience of this sort in the spring of 1974. She was in college at Mississippi State and I was a junior at S.D. Lee High. Below is my recollection:

A friend of mine and I were in the Lee High parking lot at the beginning of 5th period. She was off that hour and I should have been in French but was stalling because we had a test that day and I had forgotten to study (or some similar excuse). We were talking when we noticed a vehicle come cruising slowly into the parking lot. I looked to see who it was as the car drove by. The guy looked to be about 23 or so and I don't know how he was able to reach the gas pedal with his foot or maneuver the turns because he was in an awkward driving position. One hand was on the steering wheel and the other he was using to grease his piston.

My eyes were as big a saucers because I had never been exposed to the like. I asked my friend if she saw what I saw. She said no so I said look now - here he comes around again. He was driving pretty slow so we virgins got an eyeful. A spontaneous thought popped into my head. Laugh Marion, I said. He won't be expecting that. Marion and I tossed our heads back and laughed like mad men. We slapped our knees as we chuckled and all but rolled on the concrete. I have often thought back to that occasion and wondered how I knew about this particular psychology. Was it instinct?

He didn't come back around for a third time but luckily I now had a witness to back up my story if it should come to that - and it did. Minutes later a teacher came out and asked us why we were hanging out in the parking lot. We didn't say why but launched into the exciting event we had just witnessed. Mrs. quickly ushered us to the office and the police were called. Unfortunately, my friend and I had been checking the exhibitor out so intently that we had failed to get the license plate and make of the car so the perpetrator was never found. The principal and sweet Mrs. Quinn were so sure we were traumatized by the event that we got to hang out in the office until our Mamas picked us up!

Sista Lucy's experience was entirely different but she is so sure that it was the same guy. Put her on a witness stand and she could convince a jury it was the same guy. I'm not convinced though. I told her I needed to do a little background research to ascertain just what the average number of flashers there was per capita for that area in 1974. Plus the mode of exhibition was entirely different. She was thirty miles away on a college campus in her dorm room when she was approached - indoors and no car. But thirty six years later she is still so sure they were the same guy even though she only heard my account of the story.

I will tell this as best I can second hand: Sista Lucy was packing in her dorm room when she heard screams in the hall. She looked up and there was a naked man! He paused in her doorway to give her the full effect, then ran away. Not thinking of her own safety, she ran out of the room. In the hallway, she met up with the other traumatized co-eds. Let's get him! she yelled. I think she had grabbed a weapon of some sort from her room but don't remember for sure. Some of the girls were probably carrying torches, sticks and stones. They were rallying behind her, their fearless leader. He was nowhere to be seen in the hall so they bravely checked the bathroom and just like in the movies Lucy forcefully kicked each stall open but alas they were all empty. She has often wondered what they would have done if they had found him.

A few years later I was in front of the Army Recruiters office on Hwy 45. A young man pulled in and asked for directions. As I approached the car, I noticed he was sans pants. This time I did get the license plate number and complete car description. Lucky for him but unfortunate for me, he was from Alabama and the Columbus City Police were not interested in following up on my lead. I insisted that they find him and arrest him immediately but they assured me that he was probably out of their jurisdiction by the time I made the call. "Ms. Moore, it's not like you see on TV." This made me pause and wonder, Why not?

Special Guest Writer

2010-05-11T18:58:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

From time to time it is good to remind myself that my memories are very one sided. Some times it is good to hear the other side of the story. This can be fun especially is you are not in a court of law. Below I respectfully submit Kathy's memory of our trip:

Being Kathy from Mississippi, I must share some of my memories.

To say he had buck teeth is slightly embellished. The few yellow rotten teeth remaining in his mouth were sticking out in all directions. He could have never eaten even one carrot stick.

Lisa forgot to tell about my attempting to steal a rock. One was only supposed to take one rock with a gold flick and I took two rocks. I was collecting rocks so I thought that would be OK but "Buck" said I could only have one rock.

The "Gift Shop" was an overstatement. To keep Lisa's children (my son was a perfect angel) from whining all the way to the gold mine, Lisa promised gifts from the gift shop and there were no gifts or souvenirs of any type. The only available "gifts" were just old dusty candy bars and expensive rocks for sale.

When Lisa and I meet in Sedona in June, I am sure that my self acclaimed best friend and I will have more delightful stories.

Indeed we will Kathy!

Get him to show you his teeth!

2010-05-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I got to see one of my good friends last week when I was in Mississippi. In fact she is such a good friend that it is recorded in a legal document in the Lowndes County Court House that I am her self- acclaimed best friend. She told me about her new favorite drink - Sweet Tea flavored vodka. She said to add water and lemonade to it and a spig of mint. How refreshing it sounded.

Tonight, after taking a hiatus from alcohol for six months or so I decided to try one of these. I went to Fry's and checked out the Vodka aisle. There were three different Sweet Tea Vodkas but none of them were SKYY (My vodka of choice). I buzzed her to find out which one she used but she couldn't recall, but then passed on some great advise. She said, "Buy the most expensive one because you don't want to have one of those Gawd Awful headaches in the morning!" No kidding!

I got home and fixed my drink and was sipping it and thinking of her when a field trip she and I took our children on when she visited us one summer came to mind( Please note that we are studying similes and descriptive language in school).

The long bumpy road seemed to go on forever. Dust rolled like fog over the windshield. Whose idea was it to visit a gold mine?

From the backseat came the wail of a hyena in heat. I reached back to swat whichever child I could reach and still keep the wheels between the ditches. My hand collided with something wet and sticky. It's a good thing we were in Frank's new truck! I don't want that stuff on my car seats! Where was the turn. We had to be close.

Up ahead in the distance was a sign too difficult to read what with the shimmering heat waves and the mirages. We slowed to a halt like a dehydrated snake. Gold Mine Next Left.

A pack of wild animals that curiously resembled Kathy and me stampeded from the vehicle. They ran hither and yon from the parking lot to what looked like a grazing field/out door theater.

Kathy and I were the adults here and were in total control. We looked around, our eyes surveying the area. Up ahead we spied what looked like the entrance to the gold mine. There were two men besides us on the premises. One was dressed like what anyone would think a gold miner slash prospector slash dry goods employee (aka Mr. Drucker) would wear. The other looked and dressed like he was taking a mental health day off from Honeywell or General Dynamics.

The kids stopped rolling in the grass long enough to notice the goldmine/gift shop entrance. They rushed to it like deranged leprechauns and screeched to a halt in front of the sign "Miners under 12 must be accompanied by an adult". We were quickly summoned. The gold miner slash prospector slash dry goods store slash gift shop employee sauntered into the store and gave Kathy and me a smile. If we needed a bottle opener we had just found one. I say this not because I would make fun of someone with buck teeth ( I had buck teeth for a good part of my development years) but because it is relevant to the story.

The set up and design of the gold mine were perfect. The owner must have gotten the idea from Disneyland. All guest had to enter and exit the gold mine from the gift shop. The tunnel of the goldmine made a half turn and after an extremely short wind you were at a dead end. There blocking progress was a miniature rail road car full of ore. A sign suggested that we search through the pile of rubble for gold.

Our new friend, the dry goods store slash gold prospector helped our children find a nugget with a speck of gold. They left quickly, following the light at the end of the mega short tunnel to the souvenir shop. I picked through the rocks and immediately found my fortune in gold but Kathy was having a more difficult time. Our new friend, let's call him Mr. Drucker, was very attentive toward Kathy. She was getting all ruffled and pissy because every rock she picked up was a rock. No gold. Mr. Drucker patiently shifted through the ore and found her a golden nugget. She didn't like that one so they pawed through them till she found one that suited her.

After spending way too long in the gift shop with the children, we made it back out into the fresh air. The corporate looking guy (Dilbert) joined Mr. Drucker in chatting us up. Dilbert owned the gold mine and the property for as far as we could see. He had really big plans for developing his spread, like adding an out door theater, or amphitheater as they are sometimes called.

Kathy and I were trying to round up the wild mustangs and corral them into the truck when Dilbert told us about one last feature we shouldn't pass up. He had just acquired a mule. Dilbert said that Mr. Drucker would take us down there to see it and while we were there we should get him to show us his teeth. Kathy and I looked at each other with dropped jaws. Sure the guy had bad teeth but why call attention to them like that. We had both been trying not to focus directly on his teeth during the whole gold mine experience. Mr. Drucker grabbed some carrots seemingly unphased by Dilbert's rudeness. Our large party followed Drucker to the pasture. There was the mule. When he saw the carrots that Mr. Drucker had he tilted his head in the air and ruffled up his lips proudly showing us his teeth. My faith in mankind had once again been restored. Dilbert just wanted us to see his mules new trick.

Rusty Pickle Class with Lance

2010-05-08T19:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

This is Lance of Rusty Pickle. I took a class of his at Mystic Paper. It was from 8:00 pm until 11:00 pm! I could not believe I could even think of staying out and awake that long w/o alcohol being involved but I did! The class was fun and the teacher was fun - You can tell by his smile in this picture. I learned a new tactic. When the going gets tough - go to the bathroom. I excused myself to go to the potty and he picked up my project and started working on it - using it as an example. Lance would work on my Paradise book every time I left to go to the bathroom. He did a great job on it. I love it! I recommend you take a class from him. He is very entertaining.

Quit your whining and take ballet! Tap dancing gives me a headache!

2010-03-06T22:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

When I was a young, my sistas and I took dancing lessons from Miss Betty's English School of Dance. Momma let us choose what lessons we wanted to take but put her foot down when it came to tap dancing lessons. She said tap dancing gave her a head ache. I really wanted to learn to tap. I loved watching the old movies where Ginger Rogers, Gene Kelly, or Fred Astaire danced. I loved those black patten leather tap shoes with the black ribbons too.

Sista Lucy took ballet and eventually learned to toe dance. I took a year or two of ballet then got obsessed with John Phillips Sousa and decided to learn to twirl the baton. Sista Janice stuck with ballet and so did Sarah Ann (for a while anyway until momma gave in and let HER take tap dancing lessons).

The memories of my unrequited desire to learn to tap dance came flooding back the other day when Sista Sarah Ann called to say she was taking tap dancing lessons with her girl friends. She wanted to borrow my black patten leather tap shoes with the black ribbons.

I had forgotten or repressed the memory that I had attempted to learn to tap dance as an adult. It was back in 1992 or 93 and I was working at a veterinarian clinic. The Doctor's wife, the head receptionist and I were talking and it came out that we all had a secret desire to learn to tap dance. We made a pact that day to take lessons together. I was pregnant with Elizabeth at the time. I didn't look pregnant, but my butt looked way obeast. The lessons were fun and the three of us had a good time tapping and laughing at our miss steps. Over the weeks we learned a tap routine to Micheal Jackson's Rocky Robin. At work we practiced in between patients and during lunch. We were good! Then, one night in class the teacher spoiled it for us. She started talking about "The Recital", our costumes, deposits and the tickets we would have to sale. Recital! I had no idea when I signed up that we would be performing on stage! I could not wear a skimpy red sequined costume with black fishnets in my condition in front of an audience. My friends had their own personal excuses for quitting that night.

A few years ago, one of my friends at the elementary school talked me into taking tap with her. It didn't take much talking because we were going to learn at the community center and there would be no recital. When we showed up for our first class, it surprised me that only three of us were taking lessons. The song we were learning to tap to was "All that Jazz" from the musical Chicago. It was a lot faster than "Rocky Robin" and I was about 12 years older but I felt like a professional dancing to an authentic dance number. After a few lessons I began to realize that there was a misprint in the catalog because there was no way this was a beginning tap class. The teacher was on my back constantly. It became a chore to go. I couldn't remember the steps and sometimes I would be tapping real good and feeling good then get a glimpse of my self in the mirrors that covered the whole wall in front of me. I would get startled and forget my steps. "Who was that gray haired chubby lady with no rhythm staring at me?" Eventually I just quit going. I made up some lame excuse to my friend every week for the duration of the class. I think it was that I had a headache.

I haven't gone anywhere but I have been away.

2010-02-28T09:08:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I think I'm getting eccentric. Yesterday I went to PET SMART to get Buddy some treats. I left the store and was in the parking lot looking for my car and I said out loud, "Buddy, where did I park my car?." I do talk to Buddy a lot but I have never talked to him when he wasn't with me. It stunned me for about a 1/2 minute. Good thing too because as I stood there in the parking lot thinking about what I had just done, I spotted my car.

I was walking towards it when I heard a sharp toot of someone's car horn. Was that toot directed at me? I turned and stared in the direction of the sound. There was a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. She asked me how I was doing. I told her, then I asked her what she had been doing and she told me! She had had a heart attack! She is about my age so this was surprising. She said two of her arteries were clogged and she actually had to be revived! I thought immediately of "the light". I wanted to ask her about "the light" did she see "the light"? What else did she see? Did she see her life flash? Did she have last minute regrets? Had she since changed anything in her life besides the doctor's requirements? She began to tell me about her open heart surgery but I couldn't focus. What is the etiquette for asking about the light? She got my attention back when she said, "Yes, the heart attack was a surprise because I am not o'beast or anything. My senses sharpened. Did I hear that right? Did she say o'beast? I agreed, "You certainly aren't!" Then she said it again. "I am not o'beast." She is correct, yes, that is true. She is not o'beast.

I wondered if I was. February is my one year anniversary with Jenny. I have lost and gained the same two or three pounds over and over, but, I have managed to keep off 6 pounds. Surely these results are not typical!

MANDINGO

2010-01-05T18:08:00.001-08:00

Dear Diary,

I had a teacher in high school that was really exceptional. That is what teachers strive to be - I am learning this in school! I don't know that I knew at the time she was exceptional or even if she knew she was exceptional but looking back - she was exceptional. I'm trying to picture her in my mind- close knit perm, cat eye glasses, momma clothes.....but I'm getting side tracked. She taught me 10th grade English and Journalism when I was a junior or senior. She was the sponsor for the school Newspaper. I hung out with the newspaper staff so I was sort of a honorary staffer that never wrote anything but posed for pictures when they needed someone in a pinch. Another perk was getting to go to their parties! She had a ranch off the Highway between Columbus and Starkville and raised Brahma Bulls of all things. Passing by in the car at sixty miles an hour you wouldn't get to look twice if you thought you saw a Brahma bull instead of a Holstein or a Jersey. But she had them. The ranch had a lake, and those big hay bales that are round and tall and fun to climb on when you aren't overweight and arthritic.

I really liked my teacher and we got along just fine so I guess it was no surprise when we remained friends after I graduated from high school. I still called her by her adult name, Mrs. Pittman. I never thought of calling her Jane. She was older than my Momma and that just wasn't done!

After high school, I went to an all girls University which was in our home town. They let boys attend now but that's a different story. I could tolerate most of my classes that first year but had an awful time in freshman English. The professor was an old sour woman who wore dark clothes and was virtually unapproachable. Actually the memory of that class is vague. I'm sure I tried my best in class but I had a very busy social life and there was free beer for ladies every Thursday Night at the Welding Works. Every paper I got back graded looked like the drop cloth for a sacrificial lamb (or some similar analogy). That old biddy used a red pen and would just mark all over my paper. I knew I was an A or B student so what was this with the Cs and Ds? I decided to try a little experiment. I asked my exceptional former teacher if she would help me with a paper for my college class. She said she would be happy to and that her husband was working all night at the local small motor factory (Which coincidentally I got a job there after college graduation and worked there too for a year, then got laid off) so why didn't I spend the night Friday?

That Friday I went to her house and she said, "Lisa, there is this movie I want to go see at the Varsity. Do you want to go? I said sure!" So after she wrote my paper for me we went. She said the movie was called Mandingo and it was set in the deep south before "the conflict". We got popcorn and drinks and settled into our seats. I had no idea what I was about to see and I don't think she did either. Through out the movie she would whisper to me I need to go smoke a cigarette. I was glad I didn't smoke because I didn't want to miss any of it! I got my eyes full and quite an education. After a particularly moving scene, I got worried about my exceptional teacher because she had been smoking longer normal. I hated to miss any of the action but...I walked backwards up the popcorn grease stained red carpet to the lobby, pushed the door open and quickly glanced out, there she was pacing and smoking. No need to interrupt her. She spent the majority of the movie in the lobby, smoking.

About eight or nine years ago when I was visiting my parents, I went by to see Mrs. Pittman. We immediately took up again where we left off. We didn't go to the movies, and she didn't write papers for me (She got a C too!) but we did correspond by email. She loved receiving and sending funny emails. I visited her every time I went home and one of my visits I took the kids and my husband with me. Frank took a picture of us. I need to find it. She died of cancer a few years after we reconnected. I sure do miss her.

Monkey Money and Rappin Rodent

2009-12-18T21:16:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

Whoa! I have been studying, working, and making monkeys! John had to go on Cobra and some friends wanted some monkeys after Gooch did the photo shoot so I have been making monkeys. I decided that instead of giving the monkeys away I would sell them then I could donate the money to the Cystic Fibrosis foundation. Then I thought Hey! I've got my little 25 year old cyst(That used to drive mama and me crazy when the nurses at the Birmingham Children's Hospital would call him "The Little Cyst" but now it is kind of funny!) right here that could use the money. Hell I could even use the money for my college tuition but, It will be fun to see if I can make his Cobra payment with Monkey Money! No more giving away monkeys. Over! Done! I'm selling those suckers. So far - $65.00 and it is only the 18th. I'm optimistic but don't think it will get paid by monkey money this month. Of course he balked when I told him my plan.

I found a stuffed Rat called the Rappin Rat that Raps that "It's your Birthday". Mini Me used to sing it in that commercial. You might not know this but that is my mamas special talent. She does a Mini Me routine with the hand motions and everything. It is really something to see. She was a hit at the last family talent show. I'm afraid that sista Janice will win hands down if she does her imitation of Little Edie performing the flag dance. Her costume and moves are so like Little Edie's that it will take your breath away. But back to my story..... I thought this rappin Rat would make a great Christmas present for my Mama. I saw him at CVS drugstore, my creative juices started churning and the idea of a rappin sock monkey came to mind. The perfect Christmas gift for my Mom. I bought it , brought it home and told Ian and his friend my idea. They loved it. That night after a few cocktails I carefully cut off his costume and beheaded him. Then I proceeded to make a sock monkey to fit over the shell. I got the arms on and was figuring out how to add the head/body when it started going off and repeating the rap over and over and over. I had accidentally cut through some wires so only one arm was moving to the rhythm and where the head had been a white plastic nub was rotating. Every time I tried to maneuver the sock, the damn thing would start playing again. My husband was starting to complain. Then it came to me that I could just remove the batteries but when I checked the battery holder the cover was screwed in. But, not with a hex head or slot screw, a new kind of screw. I guess I'll need a tool to get it open.

I need to go to Lowe's tomorrow anyway. The Poinsettias are 1/2 price.

Solana Beach Shopping Trip

2009-11-11T07:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

My sister is coming for Thanksgiving. Her boys and husband are coming too. That will be fun. I've been studying alot so I haven't blogged. It is hard to do both. I've been doing all I can to Avoid house cleaning. I've painted a toy highchair and been making monkeys like I have jungle fever! I am addicted to making monkeys. It's like I am possessed by Charles Darwin or something similar. But I digress.....

My baby sista, Sarah Ann (Who we lovingly refer to as Precious) and I went shopping in Solana Beach, California, a couple of years ago. That town is pretty as a picture ( I can't spell picturesk). It was a beautiful day and we had money in our pocket books. A perfect time to spend. The first shop we entered was full of bric a brac and other wonderful accessories just begging to be picked up and fondled. We virtually had the run of the store because the employees /best friends/owners were oblivious to us - they were off to the side dressed in chic black outfits with blond flowing hair and perfect makeup. The "help" were chatting and laughing and so enthralled with each other that it would have been a shame to interrupt them. We left that store empty handed and headed to another.

The next shop looked like a magical snowy fairy land. Everything in the store was a shade of white. It was all crisp and cool looking. Nothing practical for a family with dogs, children, husbands or us. In my fantasy life, my cottage by the sea would be furnished like this store. George Clooney and I would be so happy, often looking into each others eyes and sighing a content sigh....... This shop, like the last had beautiful, blond, black clad proprietors. I'm being critical but thought they should have dressed in something paler and gauzy. But, they didn't ask me. In fact they didn't address us at all. Like in the other store, these ladies had so much to tell each other. They talked in hushed tones and were pouring over what looked to be a catalog. Never looking up. I don't think they even heard the bell that rang when we opened the door. Since we were raised right, we kept our voices at a respectful low and tried not to disturb them as we browsed.

We entered a boutique - same scenario, an art gallery, ditto. We were beginning to suspect that we were invisible. I reached out and touched my sister, she felt real, we stared at our reflections in the store front windows, we could see ourselves. What in the hell was going on?

Over lunch we discussed this strange phenomena. We came to the decision that these ladies must not have to sell anything to keep their stores open. Hence, the poor customer service. Maybe they had trust funds, alimony, made it rich on the stock market, or wealthy husbands that just wanted them to be happy. Maybe the stores were their hobbies, something to do to get them out of the house. Keep them from getting in the maid's way. The more we talked about it the more jealous we got. Baby sista and I were down right indignant when we left Solana Beach that afternoon. Why wasn't that our beautiful life?

Some times Precious and I fantasize about owning a shop together and how we are going to giggle and teehee and fix each others hair, stare at our painted finger and toenails, pose, flip through magazines, and ignore our customers . Wouldn't that be the life?

Stuart - and one of many lost chances at Fame and Fortune

2009-11-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

A dear friend passed away in May. Even though I had not seen him for years he is always in my heart. I met him at Lee High School. I was a Sophomore and he was a year older than me. Stuart was tall, thin and had great hair. I loved that he liked to hang out with me. He always had fabulous ideas. He was fun, fun, fun! I thought of him as my personal Cat in the Hat. He got me in lots of scraps but somehow he would make things right before Mom got home.

Once he talked me into taking our RED 1973 Honda 50 on a joy ride. It was a beautiful fall afternoon. Stuart was driving and I was on the back hanging on for dear life. We rode it to his house (off Highway 12) while he serenaded me - singing "Teenage Runaways"! We were not wearing helmets and that highway is so narrow and winding that it is a wonder we didn't get killed. We girls (the sistas) were only allowed to ride our motorcycle in the back yard.

Stuart was very witty. One time in High School a "hood" from the Air Force Base slammed Stuarts locker closed and asked him if he was a Basie (from the Air Force Base) or a Townie (from Town). Stuart replied, "I'm a County" (He lived outside the city limits). That Basie was later convicted of murdering a local Lawyer! Stuart always claimed that his mom and dad loved his little brother the most because he had blond hair and blue eyes and Stuart had brown hair and red eyes. Once at a bar he fashioned his straw into a triangle and stuck it on his nose. He proclaimed to all in an alien type voice, "I am from the Golden Triangle Region!" (That is what the area we are from is called because the three small cities in close proximity are like the points of a triangle.)

Stuart talked me into having a "wild" party at my parents house while they were out of town. We had a fabulous time and were the perfect host and hostess and would have gotten away with it too if a genuinely good hearted classmate had not told my Mother in the Sunflower Grocery Store parking lot what a beautiful new home we had and what a lovely time he had at the party! Stuart had fun parties at his house too. He and his brother shared a Toyota named Turkey Red. One night while leaving a party, I backed into Turkey Red! I was a wreck! Stuart said, "no worries, we have insurance". A few years later I let it slip to Stuart's Dad that it was me that maimed the Turkey. He had been told an unanimous driver had hit it in the parking lot at Leigh Mall.

He was my date to Senior Prom but had to leave early because he worked the night shift at Beneke Corp. They are called Magnolia now. They make toilet seats. I got him a gorgeous boutineer. He loved it and later that evening took a bite of it. He said he read some where that some flowers were edible! He wasn't the least bit embarrassed that he forgot to get me a corsage and later that evening he presented me with a beautiful one. I asked him where he got it. He said he got it off an empty table. I don't know whose it was, but I wore it proudly that evening and still have the dead thing in a scrap book in the attic. I regret that I didn't tell him to put it back. I know it was some heart broken classmate's.

On most Saturday Nights a group of us would go to the Country Club Golf Course. Stuart had worked there and said he knew the night watchman's schedule. It was a great place to drink beer and look at the stars. There is something special about rolling around on the golf greens at night. After a few beers we would usually take a golf cart ride. I'll never forget the night I learned to fly. I remember saying, "Stuart! you are going too fast!" then I was airborne. Stuart got confused and hit the gas instead of the break. I got a nasty bruise and a temporary limp from landing on the decorative bricks that lined the drive.

I guess our most exciting adventure was a road trip to Nashville. One summer we got this harebrained idea to get jobs at Opryland. He planned to get hired as an entertainer and I had experience in retail and could count back change so I'd have no trouble getting a job in one of the gift shops. (I still can't believe my parents were okay with the idea.) I was in charge of transportation and Stuart was in charge of reservations. I picked him up at his house Friday morning in my baby blue 1972 Pinto and off we went! We made lots of detours but finally arrived in Nashville around 7:00 p.m. We had about $20.00 left between us. We stopped to get gas, call our friend we were staying with and when we couldn't reach him, cleaned up a little in the nasty gas station bathroom before we went to dinner. We decided to celebrate our new beginning by dining at a what was to us a "nice restaurant". Stuart got a little agitated when they seated us in the back by the kitchen (which had a swinging door). I asked him again about our accommodations. All day he assured me he had them taken care of, nothing to worry about. At the restaurant I asked him to please call and get directions. I was starting to get tired and we had found out at the gas station that there was a major prostitute war going on in Nashville. Prostitutes were killing each other! Frankly, I was nervous. I knew what a prostitute was but had never seen one. I was scared that I might be mistaken for one. That may sound ridiculous but at that time in my life I was naive and scared most of the time about things that could never possibly happen, happening.

Stuart made the long walk back to our table with no smile. He said, "Lisa, I can't get a hold of David." I said, "He knows we are coming, right?" I'll never forget what Stuart said next. "I thought we'd surprise him!" We had just spent the last of our money on our celebratory dinner and had just a few dollars between us. We needed a new plan. One of our friends lived in Memphis! She and her husband would probably love to see us! I called Elizabeth. She and her husband were thrilled to let us stay the night but, they were going to Mississippi Saturday morning so we'd have to leave then too. We made it to Memphis but I did fall asleep at the wheel and woke up on a bridge but luckily in the right lane. I've often thought about that and wondered how far I drove while sleeping and also about the great schematics of life.

What if David Stampley had been home and expecting us that night? What if we actually did get summer jobs at Opryland? What if we were discovered by a famous Hollywood agent and the rest of our lives were magical like Sandra Bullock's or Nathan Lane's? and What if we had not spent all our money on the way to Tennessee and had been able to get a hotel room that night? What if some prostitute saw me entering the seedy affordable motel room with Stuart and shot me thinking I was an encroaching prostitute? What if I had not woken up while driving on that bridge.

What a Trip!

2009-10-19T18:52:00.000-07:00

Alice wasn't sure if it was her Birthday or Un-Birthday

Dear Diary,

There is never enough time when you visit. You always want one more day!

Sista Sarah Ann and I decided when we bought our plane tickets to GTR to leave Tuesday. That would give us an extra day with Momma and Daddy after all the party hoopla was over. After sista Janice and sista Lucy left Sunday things got a little quieter,( I had more time to move around my parents' house without some nosy sista looking over my shoulder) sticking duct tape with my name on it under various treasures I hope to eventually inherit. Sista Lucy always accuses me of doing this. (I do have my name under a few sentimental things like the front tire of the Lincoln and Momma's big ole diamond ring.)

We got ready to leave Tuesday and I discovered that I had bought so much stuff at the garage sales that I had to borrow a suitcase to haul some of it back. It was an avocado green hard case. Like the one I got for high school graduation back in 1975 - a Samsonite. I had trouble getting it to close. It didn't shut real well. Sista Sarah Ann tried sitting on it. That didn't work because she only weighs about 98 pounds. I laid on top of it, no go, then tried laying across it using all my upper body strength to get it closed and finally, before my arms got too weak and trembly it snapped shut. Nothing broke in it thanks to the heavy duty Samsonite siding.

We got to the airport and I told my Mom and Dad and Sista that if they needed some one to stay behind because they over booked the flight, I was going to volunteer. I needed to stay one more day. I wasn't satisfied with my visit length. There were still too many left overs in the fridge and not enough time had been spent sitting, visiting, and watching the prime time TV show lineup. When we checked our bags, we found out the plane was late. So we waited. The four of us were sitting in a line, people watching and chatting when over the loud speaker they announced that the plane was unbalanced and they needed volunteers to stay.

I hopped on that one! I said, "Sarah Ann, why don't you go check it out and see what they are offering." (She is a better listener than I am.) She said, "I've got to go to work tomorrow." I said, "I don't I'm an independent contractor!" Sarah Ann came back after about 5 minutes and said, "They are offering us money or a voucher and a taxi ride to Birmingham, Alabama to catch the next plane if we give up our seats." I followed her back to the counter, there was a man there talking to the ticket agent that was taking the deal and would be traveling with us. I looked at sista Sarah Ann, This man wasn't the type you would want to share a cab with for a short trip much less two and a half hours. It was not just because he was smelly and unkept. I am not a snob but I can't tolerate a bore. We could tell right away he was boring and he was quite a talker too. I was hesitant to take the deal now. I asked if we could still have the deal if we left tomorrow and stayed another day. The Ticket Agent said yes. I said - "Well then I'm staying another day!" Sista Sarah Ann looked at me with wild eyes! She said again, "But I have to work tomorrow!" I reminded her,again, that I was an independent contractor. The boring man turned and started eyeing his future seat companion. Sista Sarah Ann blurted out, "If you can fly me first class from Atlanta to San Diego, I'll stay another day too!" Miraculously, they were able to accommodate her!

You know, your family can bring the best or the worst out in you. When sista Janice found out about our good fortune she was livid because she had missed her flight into GTR for the birthday and had to rent a car and drive from Memphis. She said all she got was an "I'm having a shitty day discount" on her car. Here we were with all these wonderful lovely parting gifts for delaying our flight that we didn't want to go on in the first place. Like I said, when Sista Janice found out about our reprieve she got spitting mad. She was venting at us but, in her heart, I know she was just upset because she had not been treated as well by the same airline after her misfortune. Sista Lucy called that night too. She had read sista Janice's rants on face book and wanted to hear about our big Bonanza!

We enjoyed our extra day with family. But when we got to the Airport Wednesday we had to leave. One good thing did happened - I had been upgraded to first class too! Sista Sarah Ann and I found out that the warm towel is no myth. Personally, I thought it was so classy the way the stewardess picked up our trash and placed it on a tray instead of dropping it in a big white plastic bag. I never want to fly coach again!

Great Day in the Morning!

2009-10-09T15:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

What a wonderful day I have had! I went to see Jenny this morning and I had only gained 1.6 pounds! Can you believe it? While I was in Mississippi, I ate a whole bag of fried peanuts (that may account for 8 ounces). Aunt Mary made pecan brittle and I partook of a large portion of that. Then there was the fish fry and the ribs and Mexican Kitchen. It seemed like everything I ate was greasy or covered in chocolate icing and supersized. Jennie also quizzed me about my trip. I wasn't sure how to answer some of the questions. For instance, Did you stay on plan while you were in Mississippi? Did you watch your portion size? I do believe that it is important to be truthful so I just flippantly retorted "Are you kidding?" (An improvement from the usual "Hell No!") I felt like I was in therapy when she asked me how I felt after seeing sista Janice. (Sista Janice has been sending me the fat clothes she no longer needs.) I could answer that one perfectly honest - She looked great! Way to go Sista!

Next, I went to the antique mall. Big sale this weekend. I bought some figurines from Japan. I love little figurines from Japan (see above). Judy's booth looked great!

Then, I went to Mystic Paper. I needed some new Tim Holtz scissors. Something happened to mine. They were either left behind in Mississippi or whoever searched my checked bag took them. I feel a little like Scarlet when I say this but, "As God is my witness, I will never go without Tim Holt scissors again!" They are self sharpening! How does he do that? I would say they are a modern marvel. But I digress....

While I was there who should I meet but The Quinn McDonald! (Ya'll are just going to have to google her because I have tried and tried to link her site and can't get it to work.) I was so glad to be able to put a name with the face. I mean Face with the Name. She was talking about writing secret code messages. Very Interesting. I immediately thought about writing my friend notes using lemon juice and getting notes back from her written with lemon juice. I still have a note she wrote that I carefully toasted over a lit bare light bulb back in the 70's. Quinn showed us this little code book. It was interesting to think about writing secret messages. What would I want to write about but also keep secret? The first thing that popped in my head was - old lovers hmmmmm or maybe recipes? What? I'm on Facebook and blogging - I tell all my secrets. Those I manage to keep will probably come babbling out of my mouth at my future nursing home.

I'm going to Mississippi and I am going to take a .....

2009-09-27T18:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I leave Thursday morning for Mississippi! Momma says it will be in the low 80's. Sista Lucy says it will be in the low 70's. They both say bring a sweater. I bought a really cool mink sweater pin at the antique mall but I don't believe I'll pack it or a sweater. I'll be a rebel and buck authority. I haven't felt chilly in I don't remember when. It is still over 100 degrees here! A day hasn't gone by that I haven't sweated down my butt crack! It's not bad enough that I'm still going through menopause and have teenagers. We have record high temps too. Well enough of that.

Sista Lucy called me tonight. We are all getting excited about seeing each other. Sista Janice arrives Wednesday. I arrive Thursday and sista Sarah Ann is flying to Nashville and driving down with sista Lucy Thursday.

Sista Lucy asked me a question tonight that made me pause - "What are we going to do for entertainment?" Well, Thursday night we are having a catfish fry - that's always entertaining. Friday is the Big Birthday party for Daddy - He will be 82. We can play some party games. One sista suggested pin the hemorrhoid on the Daddy. I searched Martha Stewart's site and didn't see anything that looked more fun than that. We considered a talent contest. My cousin Lynne will be there from Birmingham, Alabama and she sings like a lark. She will have no serious competition so that will not be fun. Sista Janice usually plays "Don't tell Aunt Rhody" on the tonette, sista Sarah Ann can still fit in her tap costume she wore as a child (but that's not her talent, tapping is) and I would perform Elizabeth Taylor's dramatic monologue from Suddenly last Summer. Although sista Lucy is multi-talented she usually sits on the sidelines and makes fun of us all. I used to consider my talent - twirling the baton - but a couple of years ago when I participated in the 5th grade talent show my act was recorded. I no longer twirl in public.

Beeswax Silouette

2009-09-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I have been studying and substituting so have not felt like blogging about my hopes and dreams. Since it has been over a week - I thought I would post an essay my son John wrote when he was in college at ASU. The teacher gave him an A - best in class so I hope you enjoy it. Some of ya'll have seen this before.

Here goes - it is kind of long.

Anyone who owns a cat has, at one point, come home to find the mangled remains of a bird that kitty managed to have for lunch. One day I did too, and imagine that this bird had been creamed on the freeway by a speeding tour bus: the end result would be similar, but not quite as messy as the number my sister's cat had done on this one. Getting home from school I happened upon the little creation Flower left for us on the front porch. Within a ritualistic circle of feathers and guts she had decapitated the bird, left the head looking straight up at whomever would find it, and to the side had stretched out the wings and legs in a grotesque degree, as if to say she "loved us 'this' much."

Normally one might be shocked, but the sad fact is that so many animals have met equally horrendous deaths involving my family that, like the horse whisperer on a tour of the glue factory, I came out with a pretty upset worldview.

In this case though, I attributed it to Darwinism. If Flower had managed to kill it, then that was one stupid bird and it deserved to die. Why? Because this cat can be best described as a big black poof wearing a bell. It bares repeating: a bell. Whenever I step into the yard, she flattens herself in the grass, so all that I can see is a big black ball of fur, and eyes looking at me through blades of grass. Think camouflage! Then she darts to the next bit of cover, "ring, bling, ring, swish!" And then she darts to the next bit of cover, "ring, bling, ring, swish!" and then she pounces, "jingle, bling, ring, rawr! Ah! They see me, run away! Blingy, ring, jingle."

Now usually people say that when cats leave dead things for you to step in, it means they love you, or are giving you a present...but at the point where the cat goes Hannibal Lector on it's food, and rips off the head...that's not a present, that's a threat. Instead of "Ilove you" it's more like "this could be you, I know where you sleep." My best guess is she is tired of my little brother stepping on her tail, or still bitter that we stole her kittens and gave them away. Especially when she still doesn't know who her babies' daddy is.

That's another thing about Flower, not only is she apparently evil, but she's also a whore. Before we had time to spay her, she was out wandering the neighborhood and got knocked up. She was a teen mother of a broken home. Of course I got in trouble when, talking to my dad, I referred to her as "the skank". My ten year old sister overheard and wanted to know what it meant...and it means bad kitty if she should ask. Flower didn't take it hard though, and in fact for some reason I became the surrogate father to the little bastards. She so thoughtfully chose the dirty clothes underneath my bed as a nest to keep the kittens....Kittens that like to meow as loud as they can in the middle of the night. She put them there because that was the only place she could keep them out of the hands of my brother and sister who spent hours trying to squeeze under the bed, faces pressed against the side, reaching as far as they could to get one of the meowing fuzzy bundles of fun. And whenever she would get hungry, or go out and search for her babies' daddy, she would carry them one by one to the top of my bed so that I could babysit while she was gone....Thanks kitty, let me put down my calculus so I can keep kittens from tumbling off my bed to their death while I beat my siblings away from them with a stick.

It turns out though, that it was my dad who actually killed the bird. That makes more sense too, because he wasn't wearing a bell AND has a BB gun. Lucky for me, I can go to college because in his midlife crisis, instead of buying a corvette, he chose a more economical instrument of death, the BB gun. The logic behind this purpose was "the damn pigeons" keep nesting over the porch and installing chicken wire just isn't fun enough. What apparently was fun was buying about one hundred forked spikes to glue down on top of the pillars holding up the roof of the porch which was where the pigeons lived. Apparently, the idea was for the pigeons to fly into them at full speed and skewer themselves. Instead, the pigeons merely flew over the spikes and enjoyed a new fortified nest. Birds, one. Dad, zero.

Aside from the pigeons, there are also large black birds called grackles that steal the dog's food, and apparently carry mystery bird diseases that can kill us all. Therefore the best solution is to pump those bastards full of lead! So far, the pigeons are gone but since Dad has taken to baiting the grackles by putting the food in plain sight, there are actually more birds than there were originally. So it stands to reason that we are all therefore much closer to dieing of exotic bird diseases. Birds, two. Dad, zero.

Not only does dad enjoy mercilessly killing the bird menace, he's discovered an even greater joy in the telling of his killings.

"There was this huge one, right? And it was sitting on the fence, and I thought, maybe there are houses behind it in the line of fire, or maybe not...but I'm taking this shot! And I shot it and you could tell it was like 'What the hell?!' and it starts to fly off, but then it's like 'uhoh...not feeling so good...' and then it took a nose dive into your mother's ferns...and I think I saw the cat run off with it a little while later." So dad fearlessly maintains his post when he's outside; reading the newspaper, drinking beer, he always has his faithful Red Rider within arm's reach. In fact, after he's done with the newspaper, and a substantial amount of beer, he's still clinging tightly to it while passed out and snoring...which I think is a bit unhealthy...but we've learned not to discuss these things.

Beeswax Collage Class

2009-08-30T20:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

These are two pieces I made Saturday in Mike and Leslie's Beeswax Silhouette Class. It was a lot of fun! I was excited to finally meet Leslie. Mike talks about her all the time so it was great to get to meet her. She has a precious personality and laughs allot so it made class fun.

I especially enjoyed this class because:

#1 It was at Mystic Paper
#2 Mike showed us some new techniques
#3 He brought so many wonderful silhouettes for us to chose from
#4 We completed 3 projects
#5 There was a good mix of people there
#6 I won the $65.00 gift card drawing!

I had planned to give these as Christmas presents but I don't think I can part with them!

Forbidden Love

2009-08-30T15:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

This is the finished project I made in the Artful messages class at Art Unraveled. It was a great class. One of my favorites. Our teacher was just delightful! The class was taught by Olivia Thomas. She is from the Phoenix area. I deviated from her supplies and instead of using felt for the back, I painted a doily I purchased at Merchant's Square. I loved painting and stamping the fabric. We started with a plain muslin piece of fabric and la-de-da-ed it up with different colors of paint and then used black and white as an accent color for stamps.

I call this piece Forbidden Love. I have had forbidden love on my mind lately. My alma mater used to be an all girls college but twenty years ago they started letting "smart men" attend (Court Order). The current president of the university has been rallying for a name change. She and a panel decided on two possible new names for the University. She unveiled these names August 10. Neither of them include "for Women". Most of the Alumni have been up in arms about the idea of a name change. This topic has monopolized the letters to the editor for a long time.

When I attended, it was just girls. I had heard and read about that form of forbidden love but thought that kind of stuff just happened in places like California (Not that there is anything wrong with it). There were several different types of "desire" running rampant on that campus. It was the 70's. Most of us did desire to get a quality education but also wanted to find our heart's desire whether it be the P.E. major down the hall, Our good looking English Professor, a lieutenant from the Air Force Base or a future alcoholic wife beater from the local bar. I don't know where I am going with this except to say that when I saw the picture of the two women, the idea for this all came together in my head. I especially like the back made from the doily. It has a rose embroidered on it. Shakespeare's quote about the rose will be added to the back as soon as I can get a toner copy of it to transfer to muslin. I thought that would be the perfect quote for all of this hoopla about the name change. What is in a name? It will still be my former university even if the name is changed. I'll have the same fuzzy memories and quality education as before but the name of the university on my diploma will be obsolete.

Buffalo Chip Cookies

2009-08-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I finally finished another page of the cookbook! Patty's classes are really helping me get my act together on this project. She has some great ideas and wonderful examples she brings to class. Plus at the first class she gave us this beautiful book and has been giving us pages to add to it every class. The last one was about making the prettiest little lace flowers. I can put those on my Monkeys and Dolls too! One piece of advise she gave me was to know what book form the recipes will be in before I start. I wish I had listened. I bought a scrap book at Tuesday Morning. Last class, Patty showed me how I could put them in the book with out losing some of the page. I worked on this yesterday. It worked but the scrap book I bought doesn't lay right. I'm not worried. Patty will help me figure something out! I really enjoy being in her Heritage scrap booking Class at Mystic Paper and suffer terrible Patty withdrawals when we don't meet regularly.

Ian and I made about 300 of these cookies when he was in sixth grade for his Worlds Fair project. He wanted me to make Mongolian beef but I wasn't sure if that dish originated there and anyway - everybody likes cookies!

Sea Monkey Mermaid

2009-08-22T16:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Every year, my father took my sisters and me to the Lowndes County Fair in Columbus, Mississippi. Before we could ride any of the carnival rides, it was a family tradition to go through the home economics building and look at every jam, jelly, and preserve, and all sorts of hobby, craft, or sewing project that the local 4-H or ladies’ clubs had made. We tried to hurry daddy through most of the exhibits but we always stopped reverently and stared longingly and in awe of this sock monkey. My sisters and I coveted that monkey!

Another thing we did every single year at the fair was throw horrible fits, drag our feet in the county fair dust, squall, whine, and complain about what we didn't get to do when Daddy said time to go. My poor Daddy, I don't know why he continued to take us year after year.

A few summers ago while on vacation, I found a sock shop that sold the red-heeled socks used for making sock monkeys. I could now have my own! There was another thing we fantasized about owning as children – Sea Monkeys. This doll is a combination of two fond childhood memories. I sent this one in to Art Doll Quarterly for a challenge and it was published - that was last summer and in the same issue as the Tree Sprite doll. I modified the tail when it came back because after looking at it again it looked like a bass tail! I gave that one to Leslie and made two more. Then I gave one of them to a friend I worked with at the elementary school . So now I have one. I want to make some more but what do you do with them? I've been buying some cool old fake pearls and old sea themed jewelery to put on them. I've got the goodies in a shoe box and every now and then I pull them out and look at them. What do ya'll do with all the Art stuff you make? Mine is starting to accumulate. If they were cats - the city would be after me.

Plaster Crack up Class

2009-08-16T23:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
This is another piece I made from an Art Unraveled Class I took. This class was called Crack - Up and was taught by Stephanie Lee.

It was an all day class and you know I'm not good at those. Stephanie is very personable and is a very talented artist and has a sweet husband that was there to assist her. Frankly, I was envious.

I had a hard time in this class because some of us had to share a tablespoon. I don't like to share, especially after I have paid as much as I did for this class. I would have brought my own tablespoon if it had been listed on the class supply list. My table partner didn't like to share either. In fact she hogged the spoon. The teacher finally noticed me sitting there with my arms folded and my lip out and got me a spoon from someone else and then they ran out of plaster. So, we broke for lunch. When I came back from lunch - somebody had taken my freekin spoon. I turned to my table partner and said through clinched teeth, "Somebody got my freekin spoon!" She said, "don't panic", I think she was afraid she was going to have to share her spoon.

Seriously I was about to blow. but we found my spoon - the teacher had borrowed it.

At the end of class, we had to sit in a circle in the back of the room to "share". It turned out to be a therapy session for a few of the "artists". One woman went on and on and on about her art and had a comment or tip for most every one else that shared. Being a suck up, I was sitting to the left of the teacher so I didn't get to share until last. That woman that had done so much talking got up from the circle and left, three people before my turn to share. I thought she should have been more considerate and stayed to listen to the rest of us. We had endured her art and opinions. I was not as dynamic a speaker as I usually am when it got to be my turn. I was tired and not at all inspiring. The other two canvases I worked on are still in progress to be posted at a later date.

Altered Cabinet Card

2009-08-16T23:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I am finally posting a picture of one of the pieces of art I made at Art Unraveled. I took this class from Sylvia Luna, aka Silver Moon. I have been wanting to take a class from her for years!

It was just fabulous! She gave us lots of stuff to take home and taught us some great techniques. I am still putting stuff on this photo! I may never finish. Sylvia said something during that class that I have to quote. She said something about the difference between a crafter and an artist was the artist (now here is where my memory fails me and this is the kicker part of the quote!) something like the artist ties it all together or makes it look finished or something like that. Anyway, It was an impressive thought and I should have written it down.

My sista Lucy says stuff all the time that I wish I would write down. She is very clever and witty. She coined the phrase "Crap Fair" instead of Craft Fair. You can always find wooden Tater boxes at crap fairs. When I taught pre-school back when Ian and Elizabeth were 4 and 5, I could make anything you could imagine out of a toilet paper roll and a paper plate. I've gotten spoiled.

This one is for you Esther!

2009-08-14T20:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

When I was six years old, we moved from California to Birmingham , Alabama. Little did I know we had moved clear across the country. I have a few memories about the trip. I remember freaking out after I woke up late at night in the car and seeing flashing caution lights. I think we thought they were UFOs. I also remember needing to go to the bathroom and being handed a JAR! At least it was a wide mouth jar like a peanut butter jar. Enough about the trip. We moved to Alabama because my father was going to Viet Nam. (Like Forrest Gump, but we didn't know about him back then.) My Grandmother (Mamma's Momma lived in a little town called Fultondale. Uncle Pud and Aunt Betty lived next door. I can't imagine the pressure my Momma was under living with her Momma in Alabama the year Kennedy was shot in Dallas! and after living in California married with four children for 10 - 11 years.

While we lived in Alabama she had to learn to drive. She didn't know how to drive! That is one of the reasons I still suffer from motion sickness. I can't even visit an IMAX. She smoked like a chimney every time she got behind the wheel and always carried a fly swatter or a stick to switch us with if we needed it. She drove so slow people were always honking at us and flipping us off. Of course there were no seat belts back then so it was always a free for all in the backseat. Except for sista Janice. She sat in the floor board. She never got car sick and she even smoked a whole cigar when she was in grammar school but I've told you that before. Actually one time sista Janice and I went to visit Aunt Betty. She was always so fun! She gave Janice and I a cigarette. I got sick immediately but sista Janice finished hers. Too bad she didn't give us liquor, I know I could have held my own. I have always admired sista Janice's stamina, I think she got more of the tough Caledonia genes than the rest of us. She is a survivor.

One time Uncle Pud told me that he had to baby sit us while Aunt Betty and Momma went to PTA. (Where was grandmother?) (It must have been threatening a storm and she was in bed or in the basement) Uncle Pud said that sista Sarah Ann was throwing a fit. She wanted to go to PTA. He said you can't go to PTA. She said I'm going to PTA. He said he watched her blond head go down the hill then back up the hill toward the main road to the school. Then he realized that she was going to PTA - so he took out after her. He said he caught up with her before she got to the main road. He said, Come on home Sarah Ann! She said I'm going to PTA, then she picked up some rocks and started throwing them at him. Now that she is an adult and can go to PTA anytime she wants to - She probably doesn't want to go. Isn't that the way it always goes?

New Sock Monkey with her little Dog, Lady

2009-08-04T17:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I mailed these off to a friend today. I have known this beautiful friend since she was in the eighth grade. She is a friend of my sista Janice. They both turned 50 this year! Her older sister, Sharon and I have been friends since 10th grade. Sharon is the funniest, most fun, and artistic person anyone could ever want to know! Everything she says is a surprise. I hope I get to see her when I go visit my parent's in October. She has an etsy store, SHARONFOSTERART, and all kinds of stuff going on. Julia needed a Monkey for her oldest son's girlfriend. I hope she likes it. The charms are of the real dog and Adam and his girlfriend. I think Adam was wearing pull-ups last time I saw him!

Next Step

2009-08-03T21:11:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Well, I got the next step done. I tore strips of old pattern pieces and glued them on in the shape of a head. I think I'll skip the body. I wasn't thinking last night. I had temporarily forgotten how creeped out Jr. High students can get by older people. I better make this piece pretty tame and 12 to 13 year old friendly. Leslie, I'll try to Frida myself tomorrow and see how that turns out.

Self Portrait

2009-08-02T21:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I've been working on my portrait piece, well the background anyway. I am having trouble committing to an image of myself. It's not like I haven't done a portrait of myself before....As you can see from all of the above - I've done Picasso, Matisse, and Munch. But I can't decide what I look like and feel like right now, so I can't begin. I can't decide. It is driving me crazy! It is like being on the feminine products aisle at the grocery store. Same feeling! They are all KOTEX but some or small, some are large, some are long, some are for thongs, some are absorbent, some are light, some even have overnight protection. They have different names and different packages but they are still Kotex to me. Well, I'm tired of being Kotex. I really want to be glamorous and mysterious. (Like a tampon). But in this heat my makeup runs and I have always told every thing I know so that is impossible.

I do know that beauty is within (since I was the guest speaker on that subject) so maybe I'll do a little play on that. Maybe I'll take that picture my sista took of me on my birthday in Savannah and then put one of those medical naked bodies on the bottom (but cover over everything that is not for children's eyes) and there where the heart is - I'll put a heart shape and where the liver is I'll put something nice, and where the kidney is I'll put something pretty etc. Well that is one idea. Maybe ya'll can give me some more!

If you can't find me tomorrow, I may be in the cemetery. Cemeterys are supposed to help with commitment problems. Maybe if I hang out in the cemetery long enough I can decide what to do!

Years ago, (about twenty) I was reading all of these relationship books. One of the chapters was how to get a man to commit to you. I'll never forget what I read on this subject and believe me I have forgotten a lot. This book said to take your lover to the cemetery. The cemetery's atmosphere would put him in a certain mood that would make him reflect on his morality I mean, his mortality. When faced with the idea of death he decides that he can not live without you and may even propose on the spot. I had a friend that's boyfriend would not commit. I gave her this advice but don't know if she acted on it. He did eventually propose, but I digress.

It is getting late and I'm making too big a deal about this. I will finish this portrait before 11:00 am tomorrow (because I'm meeting my teacher for lunch!) and I will post the finished product later!

We've Got a little Problem Here!

2009-08-01T18:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I think my head is going to explode! There have been eighteen 14 -16 year olds over here since 11:30 am and they have been playing Rock Star loud for the past 2 hours - It is 6:50p.m. There are 5 left - I have given them until 7:00 pm. After that they are out of here! I'm afraid I'm going to snap. You may see this episode on the Biography Channel next season.

By the way - The above is a 12 x 12 piece that I need to finish before Monday @ 11;30 AM. I am hopefully going to teach a Jr. High after school Art class this fall in Chandler (if enough students sign up). My new friend LuLu, who creates beautiful art, taught us an artful portrait class this morning. She went over techniques we could use to teach the students. I had a good start on it this morning but about mid way through the party, I went into my little Art room and covered up what I had done. I have a whole new image of myself in my mind now. Not only do I deserve to wear a crown in my self portrait, I need to wear a cape as well. Hey Ya'll! I'm Bigger and Better than I started out this morning! I've got nerves of steel! I'm going to paint a face that any menopausal overweight 52 year old mother of teen agers could be proud of. I'm a role model!!!

The Recipe Book is Coming Along!

2009-07-30T19:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I am so lucky to have taken Patty Porter's Heritage Class. I am getting personal coaching from the best artist! She is so motivating. Here, I have had this idea for five years or so and I am actually working on it. Some of the recipe pages are tags I made in Mike Putman's Class. I need to mention that I am taking this class at my favorite place - Mystic Paper!

Patty is encouraging me to make use of all these pieces I have had lying around! We learned about using Vellum last class. She made some wonderful vellum flowers - I need to borrow her flower punch. I printed one of Ian's few A essays on the vellum. His story is full of info that he pulled out of his ass. In other words - His source is fictitious but that is what makes writing fun.

I love the fold down page. That is my baby sista, Sarah Ann with the butcher knife. I still can't believe that my mother gave her a BUTCHER KNIFE to pose with! Hell, she may have even had to cut the cake for the guests. when you flip the picture up there are instructions for cutting a cake.

My Momma makes this wonderful peach upside down cake that John adores. He always wants that for his birthday cake.

When we went to Savannah I got a picture of Momma wearing that adorable zebra print shirt while eating at Paula Deen's Lady and Sons. I recalled a trip I took years ago to the San Diego Zoo. John was five so that was about 20 years ago. Sista Sarah Ann and I paused in front of the Zebras and I was mesmerized by what a large and long (how can I say this) "tool" the male Zebras had. I remember telling my sista - "I would hate to meet that zebra in a dark alley!" and then, I snapped a picture. Back then there was no telephoto on my camera.

I bought the children's silverware from my friend Judy Bidwell. It was in her antique booth at Merchant's square. Whenever I would set the table for formal functions at my Momma's, I had to consult "the book". I could never remember how to lay out that silverware!

I have a few more pages I hope to finish before our next class August 5.

Stuart and one of my many lost chances at fame and fortune

2009-07-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

A dear friend passed away in May. Even though I had not seen him for years he is always in my heart. I met him at Lee High School. I was a Sophomore and he was a year older than me. Stuart was tall, thin and had great hair. I loved that he liked to hang out with me. He always had fabulous ideas. He was fun, fun, fun! I thought of him as my personal Cat in the Hat. He got me in lots of scraps but somehow he would make things right before Mom got home.

Once he talked me into taking our RED 1973 Honda 50 on a joy ride. It was a beautiful fall afternoon. Stuart was driving and I was on the back hanging on for dear life. We rode it to his house (off Highway 12) while he serenaded me - singing "Teenage Runaways"! We were not wearing helmets and that highway is so narrow and winding that it is a wonder we didn't get killed. We girls (the sistas) were only allowed to ride our motorcycle in the back yard.

Stuart was very witty. One time in High School a "hood" from the Air Force Base slammed Stuarts locker closed and asked him if he was a Basie (from the Air Force Base) or a Townie (from Town). Stuart replied, "I'm a County" (He lived outside the city limits). That Basie was later convicted of murdering a local Lawyer! Stuart always claimed that his mom and dad loved his little brother the most because he had blond hair and blue eyes and Stuart had brown hair and red eyes. Once at a bar he fashioned his straw into a triangle and stuck it on his nose. He proclaimed to all in an alien type voice, "I am from the Golden Triangle Region!" (That is what the area we are from is called because the three small cities in close proximity are like the points of a triangle.)

Stuart talked me into having a "wild" party at my parents house while they were out of town. We had a fabulous time and were the perfect host and hostess and would have gotten away with it too if a genuinely good hearted classmate had not told my Mother in the Sunflower Grocery Store parking lot what a beautiful new home we had and what a lovely time he had at the party! Stuart had fun parties at his house too. He and his brother shared a Toyota named Turkey Red. One night while leaving a party, I backed into Turkey Red! I was a wreck! Stuart said, "no worries, we have insurance". A few years later I let it slip to Stuart's Dad that it was me that maimed the Turkey. He had been told an unanimous driver had hit it in the parking lot at Leigh Mall.

He was my date to Senior Prom but had to leave early because he worked the night shift at Beneke Corp. They are called Magnolia now. They make toilet seats. I got him a gorgeous boutineer. He loved it and later that evening took a bite of it. He said he read some where that some flowers were edible! He wasn't the least bit embarrassed that he forgot to get me a corsage and later that evening he presented me with a beautiful one. I asked him where he got it. He said he got it off an empty table. I don't know whose it was, but I wore it proudly that evening and still have the dead thing in a scrap book in the attic. I regret that I didn't tell him to put it back. I know it was some heart broken classmate's.

On most Saturday Nights a group of us would go to the Country Club Golf Course. Stuart had worked there and said he knew the night watchman's schedule. It was a great place to drink beer and look at the stars. There is something special about rolling around on the golf greens at night. After a few beers we would usually take a golf cart ride. I'll never forget the night I learned to fly. I remember saying, "Stuart! you are going too fast!" then I was airborne. Stuart got confused and hit the gas instead of the break. I got a nasty bruise and a temporary limp from landing on the decorative bricks that lined the drive.

I guess our most exciting adventure was a road trip to Nashville. One summer we got this harebrained idea to get jobs at Opryland. He planned to get hired as an entertainer and I had experience in retail and could count back change so I'd have no trouble getting a job in one of the gift shops. (I still can't believe my parents were okay with the idea.) I was in charge of transportation and Stuart was in charge of reservations. I picked him up at his house Friday morning in my baby blue 1972 Pinto and off we went! We made lots of detours but finally arrived in Nashville around 7:00 p.m. We had about $20.00 left between us. We stopped to get gas, call our friend we were staying with and when we couldn't reach him, cleaned up a little in the nasty gas station bathroom before we went to dinner. We decided to celebrate our new beginning by dining at a what was to us a "nice restaurant". Stuart got a little agitated when they seated us in the back by the kitchen (which had a swinging door). I asked him again about our accommodations. All day he assured me he had them taken care of, nothing to worry about. At the restaurant I asked him to please call and get directions. I was starting to get tired and we had found out at the gas station that there was a major prostitute war going on in Nashville. Prostitutes were killing each other! Frankly, I was nervous. I knew what a prostitute was but had never seen one. I was scared that I might be mistaken for one. That may sound ridiculous but at that time in my life I was naive and scared most of the time about things that could never possibly happen, happening.

Stuart came back to our table at the very back of the restaurant with no smile. He said, "Lisa, I can't get a hold of David." I said, "He knows we are coming, right?" I'll never forget what Stuart said next. "I thought we'd surprise him!" We had just spent the last of our money on our celebratory dinner and had just a few dollars between us. We needed a new plan. One of our friends lived in Memphis! She and her husband would probably love to see us! I called Elizabeth. She and her husband were thrilled to let us stay the night but, they were going to Mississippi Saturday morning so we'd have to leave then too. We made it to Memphis but I did fall asleep at the wheel and woke up on a bridge but luckily in the right lane. I've often thought about that and wondered how far I drove while sleeping and also about the great schematics of life.

What if David Stampley had been home and expecting us that night? What if we actually did get summer jobs at Opryland? What if we were discovered by a famous Hollywood agent and the rest of our lives were magical like Sandra Bullock's or Nathan Lane's? and What if we had not spent all our money on the way to Tennessee and had been able to get a hotel room that night? What if some prostitute saw me entering the seedy affordable motel room with Stuart and shot me thinking I was an encroaching prostitute? What if I had not woken up while driving on that bridge.

Little Sista's Panties on our Heads!

2009-07-16T16:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I finally did it and it was so much fun! I have talked about it for years and claimed that I have done it but never actually did until the other night. My older sista, Lucy and I were staying at baby sista's house while she was away - and WE PUT HER PANTIES ON OUR HEADS! It was a rush! I danced around in the kitchen with those panties on my head a little too! (Luckily that wasn't caught on camera). Lucy wore Sarah Ann's panties sort of like a beret. I chose to loop her panties around my ears and wear them like a helmet and Daisy preferred the bandanna look. A good time was had by all! Sarah Ann won't you be surprised to see this post!

New Monkeys

2009-07-16T16:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Here is a bad shot of some new monkeys I have made. I made three with hair and the last two with no hair. I can't decide which ones I like best.

Soldering in San Diego

2009-07-16T16:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I wanted to stay in San Diego until October but couldn't. I left here Sunday and came back yesterday. San Diego is such a beautiful place. I met my older sista Lucy over there and we stayed at sista Sarah Ann's house. The accommodations were lovely. It took us two days to make the above charms because we suffered from blurred vision the first afternoon/evening on account of all the cocktails we drank. My nephew introduced me to smoked oysters on cream cheese on a cracker - tasty!

Patty Porter's Heritage Class at Mystic Paper

2009-06-27T19:32:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

I went to a fabulous class taught by my wonderful friend Patty Porter!
She is one of the designer's for Mystic Paper. I have been dying to take one of her classes. That was one of the nicest classes I have ever attended there. She made us the most beautiful books that were filled with great information and cool illustrations. She had chocolate, chips, and bottled water for us, and she gave us these cool mechanical pencils. One of my favorite parts of the class was looking through the books she has put together. They were just beautiful. I am having trouble describing them. I was overwhelmed by the love and time that went into her Heritage Projects.

I am so excited because she is going to have follow up classes and coach us with our projects! A couple of years ago, I got the idea to make a family cookbook. The pages up top are 2 out of 5 pages I have completed and only one of the five has a recipe. Boy do I need help. All afternoon I have been going through boxes and tubs and my craft closet trying to get it all together. Two more weeks till our next class! I'll keep you posted on my progress!

Good Advise

2009-06-23T17:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

After seeing this picture of sista Janice with her daughter, I recalled a piece of advice I received as a teen ager and was inspired to make her this card.

While I was pondering earlier about advise - taking and giving, I was reminded of some wonderful advice my dear Uncle Pud gave me when I was a teenager.

I was telling him that I wanted a monkey for a pet. Not a spider monkey but actually a chimpanzee so that I could take it on walks and hold his little hand and I could dress him up in cute clothes and teach it to ride a red tricycle with a bell on it. After hearing this, I got the only advice Uncle Pud ever gave me. He said, "You don't want a monkey, they'll shit in their hand and throw it at you!" I never did get a monkey but I have repeated his fabulous advise often. Some listen and some don't.

Psychology sucks too!

2009-06-23T17:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I don't know much about Psychology except that I like the idea of it I just don't want to study it. I don't mind being analyzed as long as the analyzer says something about me that is flattering. One of my special talents is giving advise and analyzing others. My children have heard and heeded my advise for years. Some of my regular good advise is Brush your teeth! Wash your face! Make sure your battery is charged on your phone! Drink plenty of water! Other favorites are "Well, I wouldn't want to be their friend anyway!" "Hickeys are trashy!" "Girls don't like boys with B.O."

It's the book learning part of Psychology that sucks. I had my mid term exam in Educational Psychology today. There was so much material I had to know for this exam. Too much about cognition and morality. Hey, I'm inspired. Think I'll go create something immoral!

Fabulous Vacation

2009-06-20T12:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

We are back from our fabulous vacation. I am still sweating grease. You would not believe all the "All you can Eat" fried food I ate on my 2009 summer vacation! We flew in to New Orleans, spent the night and drove to Fort Walton Beach, Florida. The beach and water were beautiful! But, there were no shells to be found. But thats all right. We stayed at the Waterscape. It was huge and tall and had a lazy river. There were alot of families there with crying babies and young overtired children.

Next, we drove up to Aberdeen, Mississippi. We stayed a few days with my parents. One of Ian's friends came with us. We stopped and bought fireworks before we got there so the boys bought 100's of bottle rockets. I was afraid someone was going to return home with a hook arm. Boom, Boom, Boom, was all we heard for two days. They were modifying them and getting more dangerously creative with each explosion and that was under adult supervision!

We went to New Orleans again after we left Mississippi. Frank and I managed to get to go alone to our favorite restaurant. I didn't actually go hunting for Orbs but I did photograph one there at the restaurant. I took John and Elizabeth to the Garden District. We had a good time walking around and looking. It was just beautiful.

For the first time, we stayed in the Warehouse District. The kids and I stumbled into a bar/restaurant for lunch there that had frighteningly large amounts of local color. On a positive note, their mac and cheese was better than Paula Deen's. Frank took Ian and Toan to the WWII museum. It is new and air conditioned. They enjoyed it.

In the past we have spent most of our time in the French Quarter. My husband loves Bourbon Street. He doesn't mind the stench of stale beer and vomit. It just adds to the charm.

It is good to be home.

Trick Flip Book

2009-06-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I have been wanting to make an art journal or some sort of small collage book for awhile. I don't have time to make really big projects since I am enrolled in online college! But oh how I have missed getting glue on my fingers. I am planning on punching holes in the tops of these (They are actually 2 pieces front and back) and making a 3 ring book full. I bought a seven gypsies 3 ring thingy at Mystic Paper.

I screwed these up because I didn't think about flipping them when I made them. The one on the back will be upside down. I told my little sista about it. She gave me some great advice. "It can be a trick book".

The second flip picture is politically uncorrect. I now know that a rug is oriental not a person but as a child I didn't get out much. Please note that the freak in the tree is not a real freak but an actress playing a freak. When my sistas and I were about this age we were scarred for life. Daddy took us to a few freak shows at the Lowndes County Fair and frankly we have never gotten over it. I love the picture of the lady and her dog. She and I have so much in common. We do love our dogs. My Buddy will be staying at the Islands Pet Resort while we are on vacation. I miss him already!

Jennie tracked me down!

2009-06-07T13:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Jennie got a holt of me last Friday. She tracked me down. I answered the phone with no caller ID in the kitchen. I know better than that! She said it has been two months since I have been in for a consultation. I didn't realize I had been screaming at the kids, "Don't answer the phone, it's Jennie!" for 8 weeks now. I told her I had been real busy and that I was going on vacation Monday for 10 days. She made me an appointment for when I get back. She is persistent.

Momma resembles Elvis

2009-06-04T18:11:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

Maybe it is the hair but they do resemble. We may need to get CSI of Memphis, Tennessee on it! Get a quick DNA test to confirm our suspicions. What if Momma is really Elvis's big sister? What if we have a rightful claim on Graceland! I think the Sistas can take on Priscilla but Lisa Marie might be tougher. I claim the jungle room!

Grand Ma's Woods

2009-05-30T22:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

What a fun class this was today. I was running late but got caught up with the other ladies pretty quick. I learned how to do the wax build up technique on the sides. Mike helped me with the blue. I still need to add some stuff to it. It is not quite "there" yet. Sista Sarah Ann gave me the brooch and I bought the destiny dog tag and door key thingy at Mystic Paper. That is a picture of Daddy in WWII (I think he is in Belgium) and the picture that is not Elvis is my Granny. Don't tell anyone but one time she set her woods on fire. I think she was "burning leaves" at the time. The wasp nest I got out of a bush in my front yard. Suddenly last summer, I did a little wasp whispering. I got 3 wasp nests out of the deal and spray painted them gold. I knew they would come in handy one day! I'm going to need to look at this new project for a few days. It is missing something but I'm not sure what yet.

As usual Mike was fantastic! The class was full. I'm sure they have pictures on the Mystic Paper Blog. It was amazing how everyone's piece was different.

Long Live Asymmetry, or Symmetry Sucks

2009-05-28T19:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I got rid of my symmetry today. It really looked awful! I like the idea of it but it just doesn't fit my personality. That strange, uneasy feeling I had that day (when I thought I needed symmetry) must have been gas.

Bees Wax Collage of Mamma and Daddy

2009-05-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I finally fastened every thing onto the canvas! I found two rusty screws for the small canvas and glued the frame on. I can't get over how beautiful my Mother's eyes are! I think I'll try to solder an eye charm.

Saturday, I'm taking a class at Mystic Paper. Jennifer and Kim always make you feel so welcome when you go into their wonderful shop! They are so friendly you would think they were from the south. Mike Putman is teaching a class called Grandma's Woods. Well, you may not know this but the sistas and I are Timba Heiresses! (timba - Noun 1. wood as a building material 2. trees collectively) We have already been given a chunk of Timba Money and can't wait to get more! Daddy has Timba.

I'm trying to figure out how to work that Timba theme into my Saturday Artwork.

Symmetry

2009-05-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Something had been missing in my life. I felt empty inside and had a sense of foreboding. If you've never experienced this, it makes you feel like you need to eat something but don't know what. You have a taste for something, your stomach is full but your mouth is still hungry. Or, maybe my eating disorder was working overtime. I just didn't feel satisfied.

It all started the other day when I was cleaning my work/computer room and watching HGTV. Every design problem that afternoon was solved with symmetry. That had to be my problem. I have no symmetry. I decided that I needed to get some symmetry. The next day at Lowe's I bought some symmetry for $12.74. My symmetry is not that good lookin but it was drastically reduced. I think after I repaint my symmetry and embellish them they will be fine. (I cleaned the desk off so I could show off my symmetry.) Now that I look at the picture again, symmetry doesn't go too well with the clutter. I may have to change my style.

Guest Speaker

2009-05-24T18:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I can add guest speaker to my resume. I was the special honored guest of 45 third graders last week. They have been studying about the south and the Civil War and wanted a first hand account on the subject. I could never be a paid guest speaker because I get off track easily and talk about what I want to talk about and not necessarily what I have been asked to talk about. I started out telling them about slavery and the hard work they had to do in the fields , plus the long hours and the restricted diet of corn meal and bacon or fish. But then I got side tracked. I had my Lowndes County book with the beautiful antebellum homes and showed those to the children and told them lively stories of my youth and experiences at and about the different homes. Frankly. they were mesmerized! One child asked me if I lived back then! Oh did I ever honey! Yes I lived well and had so much fun! But not during the Civil War, the war ended in 1865 and I was born in 1957. We later ate cornbread, cheese grits, Mississippi Mud cake, and strawberries with whipped cream (in honor of Leslie) I could understand when some of the children refused the grits but the whipped cream? What is wrong with the children of today?

2009-05-19T19:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I just love these Bottle trees. You are really supposed to use a real tree and put bottles on it but these require less water. They are decorative but also practical. Having a bottle tree on your property keeps the haints away! These were made by a Mississippi Artist named Stephanie Dwyer (www.missmetaldesign.com) I think someone needs to make a bottle tree pin or charm or a little something you could wear around your neck if you ever visit Savannah, Georgia. Two of the three nights we stayed there I had fitfull dreams. The dead kept me tossing and turning all night. They kept begging me to help them! My poor baby sista was in the bed next to me tossing and turning too! Because my snoring and snorting were keeping her awake. If she wasn't so pretty she would have looked like the undead each morning from her lack of sleep, but, I digress.

I kept telling the dead that I could hardly help myself, they should look else where for a helper. It is so frustrating talking to the dead. They just don't listen.

Luckily, since I have been home, I've slept like a baby.

2009-05-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I printed this top picture for TumbleFish, this is the church that Forest Gump's feather floated across. I have watched that movie so many times I have memorized most of the lines. She told me her husband tossed the rocks at Jennie's shack house!

Oglethorpe had to be great to carry the name. They faced his statue toward his enemies - interesting!

Several of the houses they showed us on the tour had Iron gingerbread, bric a brac, accents. You could tell from the rust stains running down the fronts of the houses.

Who is Jacob? I'm lost!

The Ugly ORB that got Lucy!

2009-05-12T20:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I finished my last exam today so I had time to upload the picture of my lovely sista Lucy before her fall. (I blogged about this yesterday.) This is one dangerous corner in Savannah! It is amazing what the camera can see that the naked eye can't! I knew she didn't trip! This is my graceful older sista who had years of training in ballet from Miss Betty's School of Dance. Miss Betty's Ballerinas never trip!

Hey Ya'll, I'm 52!

2009-05-11T17:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I have been AWOL for a while. You wouldn't know it by this picture of me, but, I have gotten older and had two exams and one more to go and have also been on a fabulous trip to Savannah, Georgia. I am so happy in this picture because this is one of the best birthdays I think I've ever had. Precious took this picture outside the cemetery. I have always had an affinity for cemeteries. I can't recall my first trip to the cemetery. As a child we visited them often. I remember just visibly shuddering all over if I saw someone walking on a grave but realized in that cemetery in Savannah I was free of that. The older I get the less nervous about things I am! Isn't that wonderful? It seems I'm not the sensitive sista anymore. I think that's Janice now. You should have seen her at the Karaoke Bar! She was so uptight! Her fifty year old lips were pursed (To gather or contract (the lips or brow) into wrinkles or folds; pucker) and I was a little afraid she might snap if she had to listen to one more bad singer. But I'm getting off track.........

When Sherman took over the city of Savannah during his infamous march, the damn Yankee soldiers camped out in the cemetery and did a lot of damage to the grave markers! They changed dates with their pin knives and used the stones for target practice! Later the Savannah citizens affixed some of the misplaced grave stones to the back brick wall of the cemetery. I thought the way they displayed them on that back brick wall was very creative. It gave the place even more character! Speaking of character, Kay spotted a man talking and laughing to himself over by one of the tombs. She was a little frightened that he might be a schizophrenic. Now a days it is hard to tell, he could have just been wearing one of those ear pieces and talking on the telephone. We didn't get close enough to see.

My sweet sista Lucy got knocked down by a haint just before she crossed the street to go into the cemetery. She bloodied her knee and bruised her hand. Sista Janice helped her get back to the hotel and that night Sarah Ann and I took pictures across the street from that very spot. We got a shot of an ugly orb!

I'll be writing more later. I have missed following my friends blogs and missed creating. After I take this last exam, I'll take a little break and get to do some of the things I love again.

Soldering Charms Class

2009-04-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

This Friday will not be as much fun as last Friday! Last Friday night I took a Soldering Charm class from Josie Cirincione at Mystic Paper. We learned how to solder found objects. The five charms we made are in the picture above. I plan on putting them on this necklace. After the class I was so fired up I bought everything I could from Mystic Paper to solder so that I can make a bunch of charms and fill that necklace up! The necklace I bought for $4.00 at Merchant's Square. I was disappointed that you can't solder plastic. I have a lot of interesting plastic "do hickeys". Apparently, it (plastic) melts. There was a fun group of ladies in the class and our teacher, was so good! she has even had a book published - Collage Lost and Found: Creating Unique Projects With Vintage Ephemera! I am going to be looking for that one! She had a cool looking necklace on that she had made that day. Her soldering was excellent. I have found a few things in my stash to solder. I want to really gaudy that string of beads up!!!! After I finish my exams (2 more to go) I AM going to take a day off for art! When I wear that necklace I will be jingling like Santa! (or the neighbor's cat).

He is still alive!

2009-04-13T22:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Jack made it through another hour! Still no antidote! He is showing signs of losing his memory and the doctor said he could go through some personality changes! What if he turns out to be like Harrison Ford in Regarding Henry? (What a sweet character, but, no hero)

Based on past shows, I really expect him to make a full recovery. What a man!

Hopefully I will have something "real" to post in the next few days. I have been working so hard at my on-line college classes and in school that I need a break from reality and Jack does provide that.

I'm taking a soldering class Friday night. (Do I need to worry about welding arcs?) We will be making charms. Any ideas on what little bits to take? I have been wanting to learn this for a long time. I can't wait. I want to make a necklace that will jingle like the neighbors cat when I walk!

I'm on Pins and Needles

2009-04-13T16:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I could hardly focus at school today and this afternoon is a waste. 24 is on tonight at eight. I don't know if ya'll know or not but Jack has been exposed to a pathogen. It is a deadly pathogen! He has already had to start giving himself injections of morphine to control his pain! The doctor told him they could only mask the symptoms! I don't know how he has had the where withal to continue to save the U.S. from bio terrorism. He is amazing. I am hoping that tonight they find an anecdote, I mean antidote. Hang in there Jack!

Envelope published in Somerset Studio Jan/Feb 2008

2009-04-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

Fairies. Wings, Hats, Crowns

2009-04-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I was reading Tumble Fish's Blog last night. It seems someone has brought up the old bullsh%$ about art with wings, hats, crowns, or caps! I think that subject has been beat to death. Either you like it or don't(just like any other art). I love it and I think that not every one can create this beautiful magical art and make it look so original. I love to see the masterpieces that Marsha creates and the original note cards in Becky's Whimsicalmusings' ETSY Store are too beautiful to send to any one ( I hoard mine instead of mailing them to friends).

When this "issue" was first discussed in Somerset Studios I wrote a letter to then editor Jenny Doh. I was shocked that the debate went on so long. I sent my letter in an envelope I had lovingly decorated with convicts with wings and hats. I'm not sure what the meaning was behind this - whether it was art can be original using wings and hats, crowns, etc. or even thugs can look precious with wings. I do know, that not all art is appreciated by all. But wouldn't it be nice for people to not be critical of art they don't prefer or maybe don't understand.

My envelope was published in the Somerset Studio letters to the editor but my words weren't.

Living the Dream!

2009-04-03T21:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

The week before spring break, Buddy and I worked really hard cleaning out around the bushes and planting new flowers. Afterwards, I drank a cocktail while Buddy relaxed in the pool. What a life!

Patrick Carman

2009-04-03T21:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Patrick Carman, a funny man and great children's author, came to our school Thursday. He is so dreamy! The kids thoroughly enjoyed his talk! It was great because he writes for k-8th grade. He has a series for each age group. I loved seeing the kindergarteners' and first graders' faces light up when they saw the projected image of the cover of the book I read to them. One of the sixth graders that I sat by is usually pretty sullen but he was laughing so hard at a personal story Mr. Carman was telling them about that he was just about rolling on the floor. Patrick Carman has written a book for 5th graders and up called Skeleton Creek that is groundbreaking. It is part written and the other part is video that you access from the computer. I have read it and let me tell you it is scary! I read it at night and I swear the night I finished it I had nightmares. Let's just say it's a cliff hanger and the next book is not out until September. He did let me in on a little secret about the next book so I won't be as worried as I till the next book comes out.

Go Fish

2009-04-03T21:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Can you believe I get paid to play go fish and bingo with these fun guys! Some days it is really hard to let them win! We have been doing some reading and sounding out but that is not as much fun as sitting around, eating dry cereal, and playing cards. Unfortunately, my substituting gig is up! The real reading specialist will be back Monday!

Welcome to Nevada

2009-03-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Do you think man landed on the moon or staged the whole thing in Nevada? I was wondering one day what it would be like if moon creatures picked up the moon landing on satellite.

We had spring break last week! My self acclaimed best friend from Mississippi and I went to Sedona, Arizona, for three nights and four days. Let me tell you, it was fabulous! Thankfully, we weren't caught on video for Girls (with thick waists, and saggy boobs but great personalities) Gone Wild! There has got to be something to those vortexes! I was so relaxed even though my fourteen year old son and one of his fun, goofy, friends went with us. I told Jennie before I left to not even think I was going to stay on the meal plan she gave me for that week. She said, "Could you at least leave some food on your plate or share an entree with your friend?" I didn't think that question deserved an answer! Share an entree? Not me, and I can't remember the last time I left anything on my plate! If I even think I can't finish a meal, horrible images of starving children from India, Africa, or Mongolia, fill my mind. Then, worse than that, I picture the uneaten food, stuffed up my nose! My Daddy insists that he never threatened to stuff Lima beans up our noses if we didn't eat them but how could all four of us daughters have the same, identical unrepressed memory if it weren't true? Well, I digress. I'll post some pictures and anecdotes about our trip this week end. I really appreciate all the nice comments about the Tree Sprite. I have missed cruising all of your blogs and hope to get up to date this weekend.

Tree Sprite

2009-03-15T18:56:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

My momma sent me the Art Doll Quarterly magazine that this doll was in because I can't find mine. I know it is here somewhere but where? I made this doll to send in to Somerset Studio's Green Challenge but they sent it on to Art Doll Quarterly and published it in the show and tell section.

My Sock Monkey Mermaid (I'll post a picture of it another day) was published in the same issue! I had entered it in the sock doll challenge. When I got the magazine in the mail and saw the dolls I just about fainted. I saw the monkey first and then I was flipping through and found the Tree Sprite. I got right on the phone and called my momma! Then I called everyone else I could think of! What a high that was.

The Tree Sprint took a long time. I thought I was through with it several times. Judy , (my friend I met through the antique mall that is so creative, teaches classes, and just gets published all the time) gave me some good advise. She suggested I add allot of embellishments. So I did.

Jenny C and Sixth Grade Sock Monkeys

2009-03-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

No this is not a picture of a successful plus size model. This is actually a picture of me with one of the students I had the pleasure of working with before Christmas. She wanted a monkey so of course I needed to make her one. But that's not the reason for this picture. Can you believe how hefty I am! I would just say I'm big boned but that won't fly. There is too much meat on those bones! I forgot to do my hide the double chin pose! The other amazing thing about this picture is that this young lady snarled at me the first week or so I worked with her and she would dodge me if I tried to hug her and look at her now. I swear I could run away and join the circus and be a lion tamer.

The real reason for posting this picture is because I'm coming clean - I met up with my old friend Jenny three weeks ago and decided to call a truce. Her plan has changed a bit but I think for the better. Time will tell. The food is good but it is only enough for a skinny girl! The meal I had tonight had only four tiny pieces of chicken in it. Please tell me that is not a true portion. Why, I used to eat half a fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy.

I wasn't going to blog about it but it is bothering me that every time I go in they want to sell me something extra! Today was the ultimate though! She tried to sell me some package of goodies that included these shiny, pretty, inspirational rocks that I could put in my pocket and rub when I needed a little extra focus to stay on track to lose weight. I told her that I could remind myself for free by just reaching around and slapping my fat ass.

Dear Diary,

I know I've been chatting alot lately about monkeys but there is just so much to say about them! This year all four classes of sixth graders made sock monkeys. This is one of the students with his. This young man is the best! You can tell by his monkey that he has a great personality. He is quite the talker. He talks fast too. I can't keep up with him! I had to do "emergency surgery" on his monkey. His tail fell off and his leg and arm were split. He was losing stuffing fast! But as you can see in the picture, I'm proud to say he pulled through!

More Monkeys

2009-03-02T16:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

These are a few of the latest monkeys. I put them in the chair and they kind of settled in like that. I like the way the green one's expression turned out. I sold one I had made from the red heel socks at my antique mall spot for $18.50 but after commission and a 10% coupon was taken off it came to about $14.00. I think I'd rather give them to friends if that is all I'm gonna get. I took these four in and three others last Thursday. I call them not yo grandma's sock monkeys. We will see how they do.

Side by Side Beauty Collage

2009-02-28T07:18:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I have posted a few pictures of some of the girls with their "Beauty within and the Beauty around us" collages. It was a fun 45 minutes! The girls had to finish theirs at home but they got a good start at the meeting. Ms. Schammel gave a riveting speech about inner beauty. She almost moved me to tears as only an elementary school councilor can with her zestful views on the subject. I did get to speak briefly before starting the girls on the project. I chose my words carefully so as not to scar any of them with the cold reality of the subject but at the last minute I just showed them my collage and told them how beautiful I feel when my dog Buddy greets me in the afternoon after school, and about how he loves me and loves to spend time with me and vise versa. Oh and the Spring, when the flowers start to bloom what a wonderous time that is.... and hobbies are so important. I believe they broaden your horizons, they get you out collecting or whatever where you can meet new people and have new experiences and our families the love that binds us together through good times and bad... Then, I paused reflectively and noticed that their eyes were glazing over so I quickly mumbled a conclusion and we started our project.

Beauty Collage

2009-02-12T12:32:00.000-08:00

Front

Center

Back

Dear Diary,

I finally finished the beauty collage. It still has some rough edges but the paper was wearing thin from all the gluing and pulling off I have done. The back has a baby with wings inspired by Marsha at Tumble Fish's fairies. My little butterfly baby does not compare to her fairies but it sure was fun to make. Marsha also uses the black and white checked strip on her fairy art. I temporarily borrowed this idea too but, as you can see I drew mine on but it is a little crude so I'm going to cover it when I can with something else. Our girls club meeting is next Thursday after school. 48 girls have signed up! Today is the first meeting so we will have a more accurate number this afternoon. I can't wait to see how they turn out!

Not Picasso

2009-02-06T22:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

Some time my best intentions get me into doing things I'd rather not do. Like teach a class on self esteem to 30 fourth through 6th graders. It seems that at our neighborhood elementary school we have children who are actually suffering from low self esteem. I don't recall suffering from low self esteem until I was in the 8th grade. If I had not been so immature I might have suffered earlier in life because looking back at the family pictures you could open a soda bottle with my front teeth and my momma pulled my hair back so tight my eyes slanted and my nostrils flared. But back then models and beautiful young actresses where not on the covers of every magazine and on TV. The models I remember seeing where in the Sears or Penny's catalog and they were really nothing to aspire to.

My good friend that is the social worker/councilor got a grant for this 6 week after school girls' club. One of the planned activities is a collage. That's where I come in. I thought it would be fun and oh so symbolic to make a collage similar to the one below but with more one sentence journaling. I'm still working on the idea but the collage will fold in like a book and will be tied together by ribbon. The outside theme will be the beauty around us and the inside theme is the beauty within us. As for our little "talk" with the girls - What do I say? I ran a few things by my friend but I couldn't recite them with out pursing my lips while I talked in a high pitched womanly tone. She didn't think many of my ideas were appropriate for the age group and decided that she would do the talking if I would lead the craft.

When I was in college there were a group of girls on campus that were on the "Modeling Squad". These girls always looked so nice! Their hair, make up and outfits were always perfect. The modeling squad where never seen without pantyhose, heels and matching assessories. You would never see one alone. They traveled in a pack. I think because they made a bigger impression that way. A couple of other things set them apart from the rest of us girls - they never wore their pajamas in public and never rolled into class smelling like stale beer and cigarettes. Their teacher was tall, thin and dressed elegantly. Her hair, a perfect shade of red, looked as if she went to the beauty shop every day instead of once a week. She greeted the public with a parade wave and a huge smile. Thinking about it now, I kind of recall that years after I graduated she was involved in some sort of shop lifting scandal. I'll have to find out more about that.

Pre-Teen Journal

2009-02-03T18:37:00.000-08:00

2009-01-29T21:46:00.000-08:00

This one is giving me trouble! Here I am going through menopause and I have to deal with this! I don't know if you all know but I was going to take the year off and substitute and become a real life artist but instead I decided I had too much time on my hands so I would go back to school and become a teacher. Well, the teacher certification program is through an on-line college so there goes the back to school clothes and how am I going to threaten the kids and husband about leaving home and living in the dorm?

ELIZABETH has decided to become a vegan. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I'm worried that she is not getting enough protein! At our house we have always been carnivores! I have done everything I can to sabotage this trend of hers. I ordered sausage, pepperoni. and mushroom pizza yesterday and today she confessed to eating two pieces. She ate at her friends house the other night and they had tacos! Tonight she went to a "European Thing" at school and she ate there. (hopefully she doesn't get mad cow disease) I know that this is just a half assed commitment. Frank and I are hoping we will be able to understand her complicated self before she becomes 18. Sorry Momma and Daddy for everything I did to upset you when I was 15!

Today was a good day!

2009-01-21T19:35:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

What a great day today was!

First, I checked my blog this morning and I had gotten a post from June @ http://junesjewels.blogspot.com

Her message read:
Brilliant as always. I so love your blog Lisa and to prove it ...
Stop by here http://junesjewels.blogspot.com/
And see what is there :)
Hugs June x

She has several blogs, but on this one she is going to feature other peoples blogs and I am first!!! That will be an interesting blog to follow because I don't get a chance to check out new blogs too often. Now June can screen them for me. Thanks you June! I am so flattered.

Second, I checked my email and I had one from little sista, Janice. She had a different version to the "choking story". All she wrote goes as follows in her own words:

"I thought he said we were almost home and she could get a drink of water there".

Haven't heard from the older sista, Lucy yet. But I think I'll start haunting the Goodwill stores for some kind of medal for her. Maybe we should have an awards ceremony at the next sista's reunion. Maybe I'll start looking for four shirts that match so we can wear them simultaneously (great vocabulary word!). I'll get Hero monogrammed on the back of Lucy's, Choking Victim on Sarah Ann's , and Hand Wringers on mine and Janice's.

Better idea - I'll buy a pack of Hanes white Men's t-shirts and get a black sharpie to write on them! That will leave more money in the budget for drinks and snacks!

Little Sista Choking on the Orange revision 1

2009-01-20T20:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

My little sista, Sarah Ann set me straight on the orange story. She remembered it much more vividly than I did. Of course it was her life flashing before her eyes not mine. I think if I was going to have to watch reruns of my life I'd rather watch them at age 36 than at age 7 or 8. That way I could view some of my life in the fast lane times instead of just the riding bikes and playing with dolls memories.

Grab a drink and a snack, this is going to be a first hand account of the trauma, told second hand.

We were not on one of our Sunday drives. We were actually coming back from Birmingham, Alabama. We had visited our Grandmother for the weekend. I'm not clear on which sista told the story that had us all laughing when Sarah Ann started to choke on the orange. As I said earlier, we all laughed at her, thinking how funny she looked, but then (these are her words) she started throwing her body against our oldest sista Lucy because she was struggling to breath and her life was virtually passing before her! Lucy realized that this was nothing to laugh about and that she was actually choking. She yelled to Daddy to pull over, our precious baby sista was choking and he said he would when we got to Tuscaloosa. Lucy then proceeded to hit her on the back which made her cough up that orange. If either of you other sistas have versions of this story please let me know. Sarah Ann reminded me of the story we were telling and it is a good one. I'll have to find a picture to accompany it and I'll post it later.

Altered Suitcase

2009-01-15T15:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I think I'll pack my little suitcase and run away. Not far, and maybe for just a day or two. Just long enough to realize "There's no place like home."

I made this little suitcase for my youngest Sista, Sarah Ann. I got the idea from the first Haute Handbag magazine.

The scrabble pieces do spell out some family sentiment.

Most Sundays we would go for a family drive. First, my father would drive us out to the country to see Granny, then, after visiting her we would go for our drive. Before we even left the house my older sister would have fights with my parents because she wanted to wear blue jeans. They didn't want her to wear blue jeans when she visited Granny.

I often got car sick and had a deathly fear of getting lost. Most times we would get lost. My father would say, "We're lost," then I would start freaking out. I can't believe I really thought we were lost as in never going to find our way home lost. I guess he just meant that he didn't recognize the area. I'll have to ask him about that.

On one trip our baby sista was eating an orange in the back seat of the car. I think all four of us sista's were crammed in the backseat except maybe Janice. She liked to sit on the floor board. She never got car sick and once when we were kids she smoked an entire cigar and did not puke (but that is another story). Well, Sarah Ann started choking on that orange and we started laughing at her. We laughed so hard till we realized she was in distress! Luckily, she coughed up that orange. We still talk about that incident.

My husband and I love to go on Sunday drives but we don't do it much because the dog gets car sick and pukes plus the kids (ages 14 and 15) are whining and bitching constantly behind our heads. It takes some of the pleasure out of the drive.

I can understand now why my parents quit taking us on our Sunday Drives.

Graceful Aging

2009-01-15T06:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I laughed so hard reading Marsha of Tumble Fish's comments on my Altered Barbie Post. I never dreamed I'd have flabby arms, back boobs, gray hair, a mustache, and wrinkles like crevices on my face! But hey, I'm beautiful! The lady at the drive through window at Wendy's says I look like Elizabeth Taylor. (But I've never asked her at which age.)

Altered Barbie

2009-01-12T18:52:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

This is my first rejection. I submitted this altered Barbie to the Art Doll Quarterly Altered Barbie Challenge. It hit me hard that it was sent back even though my sistas didn't like it and said she was creepy looking. They tell it like it is and I love them for it.

My friends at school and I were talking about when we were young we had one Barbie we played with. Girls now have so many Barbies. I counted my daughter's once and she had 60. (Shame on me) They were all undressed and had haircuts.

I don't remember when I got my Barbie but it must have been sometime in the sixties. Janice, my younger sista, got one just like it so it must have been on our Birthday because we have the same birthday, but different years. She came with three wigs and fabulous blue eye shadow. My Barbie had a full and exciting life as a world traveler, movie star, fashion designer, teacher, and mom. Although she was always barefoot, she often wore original designs made from Kleenex, tape, and sometimes fabric. She was so alluring and exotic!

My Barbie went to the attic and stayed in seclusion during the 1970's, 1980's and early 1990's. She returned to the public eye in 1996, when my daughter was three. Barbie was just getting her life back (wearing new clothes, traveling with the family) when the tragedy occurred. She was left outside overnight and mauled by our dog, Chuck. One half of her body was chewed beyond recognition. I was crushed and devastated! John, who was 13 at the time repaired her body with duct tape and shish kabob sticks. Her new look was "Exotic Bionic". But, sadly, her fashions didn't hang right on her new frame. I threw away her bionic body and tossed her head in my jewelry box.

When I read about the Barbie challenge, I got so excited. I love Barbie (She used to be one of my addictions but I've moved on). I thought about altering one of Elizabeth's Barbies but she had played beauty shop with them and I had my Barbie that really could use a comeback. I had some beautiful wood chairs in the garage that were not sturdy enough to sit in so I built her body out of one of the legs. She no longer had the hourglass figure. Her curves were now multiple and wide like mine. I gave her new arms. The new arms had belonged to Esmeralda's boyfriend, Phoebus, from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. They were large and flexible and strong enough to support a tea light. I like her rich and natural look and when I light the candle, the flicker gives her a mysterious glow. I keep her inside and up high so she will stay safe.

ADDICTIONS CONTINUED

2009-01-11T10:47:00.000-08:00

I think I should have put as my #5 addiction:

Buying supplies that I might not ever use. Listing Skyy Vodka as an addiction is not quite true. It makes me sound too hard core. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my cocktail when I have it but if we are honestly listing addictions, I need to change that one. Plus I read other friends addictions and theirs are not crude.

Plus I forgot to tag five people so I am going to tag:

Leslie (Who replied on my Blog)

S. Belle (Who can reply on my blog)

Kim at http://pariscowgirl.blogspot.com/

Jennifer at http://jennifersviews.blogspot.com/

and

Judy at http://www.myartisticside.blogspot.com/

NAPS ARE GREAT, BUT NOT ONE OF MY ADDICTIONS

2009-01-10T18:13:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary.

I've been Tagged!

Sweet Patty, a very talented artist and one of the designers at Mystic Paper tagged me to confess my addictions. She also gave me an award earlier on in my blogging and I need to post it but don't know how! I never get awards so I need to flaunt this one. (I'm usually first runner up! and can only assume the title should something dreadful happen to the winner......) Just kidding. I've never been in a pageant.

BUT, that reminds me of a story.

When I was a teenager in Columbus, Ms. in the 1970's, I answered the phone and this lady asked to speak to me. I answered, "This is She!" as I was taught, and then she proceeded to ask if I would like to be in the Miss Columbus Pageant. She said that someone had given her my name as a candidate. I remember saying, "Are you sure you mean me, because I have no special talent! Would you like to speak to my sister. She's home. " My older sister was home from college laying on the couch probably hung over or stoned. (Yes, The ex-champion swimmer!) Their conversation was a short one.

Red is a good Addiction Color

#1 CHOCOLATE

#2 COSTUME JEWELRY

#3 MY DOG, BUDDY

#4 FORTUNES FROM FORTUNE COOKIES

#5 SKYY VODKA

That about says it all..........

I Can Swim Like A FISH!

2009-01-07T16:47:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I found this picture of a mermaid doll I made of my older sista (I have 3 sisters and we like to call each other Sista.) She was a champion swimmer! In high school she was on the swim team. She always had a great tan and was real cool. She held some state records in backstroke and maybe something else. (I'll have to call her so I can write it down for posterity or maybe prosperity.)

I haven't sent her the doll yet. I added some stuff to it because I was told she needed some embellishment. Actually, I like her better with the tail with out the do-hickeys hanging on it because I love the different fabric and needle work but I guess some people prefer bling.

Haven't finished my other two sista's dolls. One is an accountant and the other is a mechanical engineer. I couldn't figure out how to dress them. I guess if I make them thin with big boobs that is the important thing. There were some fabulous sea, pearl, doo-das at merchants square that I purchased today. I think I'll make them mermaids too. I really need to finish these dolls and move on. I thought about transfering their faces to these cloth dolls with blonde hair and shiny clothes that I bought on sale at Walgreen's but that would make my sistas look cheap and slutty which actually might be fun!

Anything Goes!

2009-01-02T18:20:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I have not had the time or the inclination lately to ponder over our existence. I've been too busy to think about it lately. But one day I was looking at a picture of my niece, Abby and something deep inside me said - "I've seen this child as a grown woman, but how, when, and where?" Then this song popped into my head - "There's no business like show business!" and it hit me. If this isn't a case for reincarnation I don't know what is!

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T18:06:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I secretly started a Christmas Tradition so many years ago I can't even recall when. It was and still is one of the best ideas I every had. I buy myself a Christmas gift or so just in case I don't like what I get. Everyone wins because I'm joyous and not pouting over the holidays. I think it all started when I was married to Voldemort and our first Christmas together, he bought me red long handled underwear. When confronted with my bitter tears and hysteria his thoughtful response was "Well, you've been saying you're cold!"

Enough about that.....

Isn't this Fairy adorable! My scanning does not do it justice. It is brighter and a lot more colorful in real life. I bought it for myself for Christmas at Marsha from Tumble Fish Studio's Etsy Shop. When my sister Sarah Ann was visiting I found the perfect frame for it. Marsha is so creative and full of energy! I love following her blog and seeing what she is up to. Ya'll check her out at http://tumblefishstudio.blogspot.com/

I know what this little fairy is thinking. She hates to do laundry, there is always a pile of laundry on the floor and she just discovered that she put Ian's favorite white South Park T-shirt in with the darks and it is now a faded dingy looking blue. Hence the dunce cap!

New Red Monkeys!

2008-12-26T21:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I have been making Monkeys for a few days. Red sock monkeys - Scarlet's sisters. My friend who/whom I would take an enema for (I really love her cause this is worse than a bullet!) wanted me to make a red sock monkey for her friend. I don't know this friend but I'm sure she is wonderful. So I finally found some red cable socks at target. After making Miss Rouge, I noticed that her stuffing kind of shows through. So my next trip to target I bought girls red tights. These were thicker and the stuffing does not show through so much. Now I have made a sister named Cissy Crimson. I think I'll have to switch colors because I can't think of any more monkey names that have to do with red. Unless Holly Berry would work.

The last week of school I learned about the legend of the Holly Berry. I thought that was so funny because it sounded so much like Halley Berry! Do you think her mother realized this when she named her? When is Halley Berry's birthday? I hope it is not around Christmas.

Tonight I started making a small red sock monkey out of 2 1/2 to 5 size red socks. I think I'll name her Holly Berry.

The top picture is the one made from the cable knit socks - she is definitely not as graceful as her sister made from girl's tights. But that's another story.

Christmas Family Newsletters

2008-12-18T15:40:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I wonder if everyone makes fun of the family newsletters they receive? We certainly do. I love to get them with Christmas cards and I love to find out what is happening in friends'and families' lives but just can't hold back the sniggering. Maybe I'm just jealous.

I tried to write a Christmas letter earlier. I stared at the screen for about 5 minutes then wrote:

December 18, 2008

Dear Friends and Family,

Happy Holidays!

Same Shit Different Year.

Love,

The Schells

Please excuse my mood today.

P.S. The picture above is one I mocked up using photoshop for one of my sister's friends. (She was in her Halloween costume. Got the man off the internet.)

2008-12-14T17:13:00.000-08:00

Would you like to swing on a star?

Or would you rather be a toddler in the early 60's

Dear Diary,

I haven't written in a while! I have been having trouble with my printer uploading pictures from my camera memory card. I couldn't figure out what the problem could be till my daughter confessed that her memory card got stuck in it and she had to remove it with a paper clip! We have also been busy at school and here at home and blah, blah, blah... But enough about my angst.

This is a picture of two of my sisters. Janice is looking so happy and Sarah Ann looks like she is not getting enough attention. I have Adobe Elements 5 and just got Adobe Elements 7. Blah, Blah, I've only had time to install it no time yet to play with it. But I did create a picture of Janice using the above and Adobe Elements 5. It was good clean fun! Usually when I collage I have glue stuck everywhere, unidentifiable grit under my fingernails, and a mess spread out over and under the table. But, Collaging with Adobe is mess free!

The inspiration for this piece is the song we used to sing in music with Miss Tubbs at Fairview Elementary - "Would you like to Swing on a Star". (I don't know if that's the name but it is definitely the chorus!

Have a great week!

The Sweet Potato Queen gets a suck-up gift

2008-12-02T20:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary

(The reason why I use this opening is because of my older sister Lucy. She thinks blog writing is a peculiar pastime. She can't understand why someone would want to share their hopes, dreams, and personal angst with the world wide web. For her benefit, I try to start each tale off with dear diary . But like most other things - Sometimes I forget. Here's to you Lucy!)

I was looking through some old pictures and found these of the lovely Sweet Potato Queen. She came out to Arizona in January 2008, all the way from Madison, Mississippi. She was on her book tour. I'm sure you have all heard of her books! My favorite is The Sweet Potato Queen's Big-Ass Cookbook and Financial Planner. (I know this is supposed to be underlined because it is a book title but I don't know how to do it!)

I made Ian's birthday cake using one of the recipe's and it was so good! I almost went into a diabetic seizure.

The first picture is of me giving the Sweet Potato Queen a Palo Verde Gal with a sweet potato on her dress. I had heard she (Jill Conner Browne) liked to get suck up gifts and as I was in the mood a week before she came I decided to make one.

The second picture was a gift I gave her as conversation fodder. I had been to the local Fry's grocery store the day before. Pushing my cart and humming to my self when I spied a side stack of Instant Sweet Potatoes! I let out an audible gasp and touched my right hand to my fore head. (If canned sweet potatoes aren't bad enough!) Since I knew I was going to see the Queen that week I thought I'd buy those for her. I was sure they were not sold east of the Mississippi.

As I suspected, It was a shock to her too. She said her Daddy was probably rolling over in his grave! I totally agreed with her.

Thinking back, I bet Arizona was a test market for those because I haven't seen them since. I do know that no self respecting southerner would ever seriously buy those to bake.

www.sweetpotatoqueens.com is Jill Conner Browne's official website. My sisters have been to the parade and parties in Jackson but I never have been. They had a lot of fun stories to tell when they got back. It's on my list. I'll make it one of these years.

Running on half a hormone pill

2008-12-01T06:20:00.000-08:00

Look out world, I'm running on only one of my hormone pills! How can I have some left in one bottle and none in the other? I guess I must have had too many hormones some other time. It's a good thing I have my Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc. pill box now!

I'm behind on my blogging and on my blog reading! But I did stop in Mystic Paper yesterday! Mike was teaching a class on using glimmer y supplies. It was funny to think of that big guy teaching about shiny, glittery, fairy princess products. I bought some fun things.

Frank and I took a business trip to the Lone Butte Casino. His company put the fire sprinklers in. So, we had to check them out and while we were there we thought we might as well gamble.

To make a long story short. Frank lost his money pretty quick on the blackjack tables and I didn't have enough time to lose all mine since I had found a pretty lucky poker machine. I spent what I had left and a little more at Mystic Paper. It was good to see Kim. She showed me the art Judy Bidwell has just had published in Sew Somerset. I was super impressed.

Well, I better go to school. The party's over.

Sisters Beeswax with alcohol ink and acrylic

2008-11-23T14:13:00.000-08:00

This is what I made in "The Amazing Wax Man" Mike's class. It is a picture of my younger sister Janice and me the day our father dressed us. Momma must have been in the hospital having a baby because on the back of the picture my Dad wrote a note about how he is the one that picked out our clothes that day and I guess it was such a big deal and he had probably never done it before he needed to capture the memory with a picture. This is one of my favorite pictures of Janice. She has such a happy look on her face!

We learned how to use alcohol ink with bees wax in the class. I wish I could remember how I mixed those colors like that. I love alcohol ink and want to take another class on how to use them soon!

Attempt at Beeswax Collage

2008-11-23T13:36:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I took a beeswax class from "The Amazing Wax Man " Mike Putman. He does such fabulous beeswax collage art. Afterwards I was so inspired that I drove down to goodwill and bought an iron and a crock pot so I could "bee" a cool artist like Mike. I made a few awful looking pieces then put my new purchases away. Then "The Amazing Wax Man" offered another class! I borrowed some of his ideas from that class to make this collage. My friend in Columbus - Leslie, also makes wonderful collages with beautiful papers and old family photos so I borrowed from her also. I really wanted to do something personal so I used my Momma and Daddy's old pictures. The piece is mounted on a 5x7 board but I couldn't find a frame to fit so I decided to mount it onto another board covered in scrap book paper. I can't decide whether I should beeswax that paper or not. ( any advise out there?) then trim it to fit inside the frame. Mike had distressed some metal pieces that really looked good but I can't remember how he did it so I just had to wing it when it came to distressing mine. I got the 3-D pieces from Mystic Paper. I love that store and I love Kim and Jennifer! I just have to visit them if I'm down to get recharged.

I sure wish I could remember how to link a name to a site. I would have linked Mystic Paper. How do I do that?

2008-11-20T06:31:00.000-08:00

SCARLET

I have a young friend that works at Lowe's as a specialist in the flooring department. She is just a great girl! Well, she had a baby girl this summer. One day we were talking about sock monkeys and she told me she would like a red one for her baby. I really wish I had stitched eyes instead of using buttons.

More Girls

2008-11-20T06:26:00.000-08:00

This is not a very good picture, but here are a few more Palo Verde Gals. I'm getting the itch to start climbing that tree and look for some good limbs for the girls.

My First Doll - Leslie's Birthday Doll

2008-11-16T16:34:00.000-08:00

The first doll is hanging on the top right of the wardrobe. They have evolved through the years.

Palo Verde Gals

2008-11-16T15:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

My sisters and my friend, Judy, have been encouraging me to post pictures of my art. These Palo Verde Gals seemed to be an appropriate start because they were the first Art I ever had published. They came out in the Spring 2005, Art Doll Quarterly - Show and Tell section.

The day I got the magazine and saw the dolls was the same day our Whirlpool front load washer and dryer were delivered. I hate to say this but my excitement over being published was pale in comparison to how I felt about my new washer and dryer. I remember feeling guilty because I should have been more excited about being a published artist but that new washer and dryer were incredible! Before it was taking me two days to finish the laundry and now it was only taking me one! I felt like I was in love for the first time. I now knew how my husband felt about his truck.

How the Gals came to be

Back in August in the early 2000's, I was trying to think of something to make for one of my incredibly talented friend's birthday. We have been friends for a real long time (since 1973!). Through the years she has given me so many wonderful, unique, gifts. If you have been to our home, you have seen her silkscreens hanging in almost every room. Well, Leslie was "into" primitive cloth dolls. With that in mind, I decided to make her one. Usually when I create something, I have a picture of it in my mind. The finished project never turns out like my imagined project. This is good and bad. I sent Leslie her birthday present and she loved it.

My sister, Sarah Ann saw it and she wanted one, then she told my other two sisters about them. Lucy wanted one since Sarah Ann and Leslie had one. I told her I wasn't going to make her one because she had never even seen one and might not like them. She said, "Well, if I don't like it I'll just stick it under the bed and pull it out when I have company and say, look what my sister made! Isn't it awful?" To make a long story shorter, I made a frenzy of dolls! I gave allot to friends, family, and even sold some at Two Plates Full, Southwest Gardner and a boutique in my home town. I have about twelve partially made at this moment. It has been too hot to climb the Palo Verde Tree so they don't have arms and legs. But I don't have that excuse now.

2008-11-13T20:27:00.000-08:00

Science Project

2008-11-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

What A Night! I have been working on my science project, I mean helping Ian with his project. Seriously, I really didn't have to do much (just proof read and edit). I thought we would both be up all night squalling and working, working and squalling, but, he finished it about 8:00 p.m. He built a Bohr model of the Silicon atom. Then he had to type a paper about it. He was assigned this project in October. He got the procrastination gene from me.

squall¹ (skwôl)

A loud, harsh cry.

intr.v. squalled, squall·ing, squalls

To scream or cry loudly and harshly.

Blog Block

2008-11-12T14:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

Was so surprized (I like to spell it that way) to see comments on my blog already! It is great to have blog cheerleaders!

I have had Blog Block since Mike told me it was ready to go. Do you remember when you were young and got new shoes? That's how I have been - logging on to my blog, staring at it, admiring the pictures, and wondering where it will take me. ( Now I sound like Forrest Gump!) I'll post this then try to write another post. Maybe it gets easier.

Thanks for the encouragement!

Lisa

Welcome to the House of Hullabaloo!

2008-11-10T06:37:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the House of Hullabaloo!

The stories and adventures of a southern gal!